Seniorhood blues

4 months? Really? Man, 4 months is a long time to stagnate on a blog,

It's the tail-end of February, and I'm now knee-deep in my senior year as an IM resident at the hospital. The comic book saying "With Great Power comes Great Responsibility" is painfully evident as my batchmates and I have learned to embrace the jobs (and perks) of being the ones on top.

The transition period went by so fast.. One moment I was teaching the incoming sophomores how to efficiently man the ER, the next thing I knew, I was the highest ranking IM resident on duty during those sleepless toxic nights when I was already manning the ICU full-time.

The jump from second to third year was more difficult than I had imagined, although the transition from first to second (especially during OUR time) was one for the books. Due to the lack of manpower of our batch, taking on "senior responsibilities" proved more challenging than it is on paper. Good thing the juniors were up to the task of taking the reins.. Well, most of them anyway..

We find ourselves stuck with our not-so-favorite cow, a 43-year old morbidly obese and totally unhealthy case of severe sleep apnea and narcolepsy who is just too stubborn to quit but is also too hardheaded to be taught anything useful. Oh, and he's pretty bossy too, despite his juniors and batchmates being WAY ahead of him in terms of work standards, work ethic, and general fund of knowledge. He claims to wish to emulate his reknowed mother who happens to be a well-respected endocrinologist and thus shows great enthusiasm (?) for endocrinology and little else. I've got news for you, fat boy. Before your momma became the great Endo that she probably is (I have no idea who his mom is), she first had to make the cut as a competent internist!

Removing him will prove to be very difficult due to the circumstances of his entering our program, as he was ushered in by the powers-that-be. (There are times that I hate being a part of a political hospital). Last time I checked, he would flat-out be denied entry into any other normal reputable training program, as he is clearly not fit to undergo the rigors of Internal Medicine residency, in a toxic public hospital to boot! Ever since first year, he's been screwing up time after time. His tendency to fall asleep anywhere non-withstanding, he also already has a family and thus his priorities are a bit skewed.. He's unwilling to put in the extra time at the hospital to get stuff done because of various family excuses. He knew what he was getting into as an overaged resident with learning issues, and yet he expects special treatment. He's unwilling to make sacrifices for the greater good because he is too selfish  to care (or his brain is too hypoxic to comprehend). His screwups have resulted in forcing the chaiman to create new boneheaded policies which makes everybody else miserable. To top it all off, he thinks he's doing a great job!! Oh my goodness, such poor insight... No wonder our department is a laughing stock.. :(

I just hope this will not happen again (the acceptance of clear-cut incompetents), and that he won't mess things up by foolishly attempting to take the board exams immediately after graduation which he CLEARLY will have no hope of passing, as he will just mess up the passing rate of the department as a whole.

I initially planned to write this piece as a means to take stock of what happened in between, but wound up making another rant.. It just leaves you really drained sometimes..

Barbero ka naman eh!

I'm currently waiting for my turn here at the barbershop. Having a little bit of free time because of the change in.rotations, I've decided to make the most of it and get my monthly trim.

A part of me says that I should have gone straight home instead, since today is Game 2 of the UAAP Finals featuring DLSU vs UST, pitting both Teng brothers against each other for the very last time at the collegiate level, with Jeric graduating after the season.

With that being said, its just so remarkable how far Xavier basketball has gone since the days of the King Stallion Eric Yao who inspired a generation to aspire for hoops greatness, Blue and Gold style.

I'm still on the road to recovery after the heartache I went through a few months back, but I guess you could say things are going as well as they could, given the present circumstances. No, I'm still not attached, and no, the girl I was raving about wasn't really that into me. It's really been just a process of moving on, and not really expecting anything anymore..

As I prepare for what would (hopefully) be my senior and final year at the hospital,,I think I'm starting to feel a bit of optimism shine back in my life.. I guess training really does that to you. It saps you to your very core, and sometimes leaves you clawing around in despair. There were still moments of desolation, especially when the things start to get rough, but I managed to pull through (with a lot of help from the BIg Guy Upstairs). :D

Now I find myself at the beginning of transition month, with the juniors starting to have their first tastes of the ER while our seniors teach us the intricacies of manning the ICU. Its a lot more responsibility, I know, but I would prefer sitting and thinking rather than staying up manning the ER any day. :P

Oops, there's my barber! I'l leave things as is for now.

The Daily Grind

Sigh..

Just woke up.. and now I realize that I have to return to the daily grind of life..

The feeling mostly sucks.

Damn, why isn't there anything to look forward to anymore? Especially on duty days?

The only thing I do look forward to is the time when I'll be able to return to my bed when I am from duty..

Free Time?

They say that time is a precious commodity, and even moreso if taken within the context of residency training..

I find myself constantly walking a tightrope just to keep things in order. It is as though I'm constantly running to just keep barely ahead of a mountain of work following closely at my heels which may trample me lest I trip and fall..

At times, it really did.. This year has been a series of sprints and long runs, all in the name of "training" and requirements. I dunno if it's just me, but it's a feeling that leaves you sick to your stomach.. Being constantly on the go, looking over your shoulder, has already worn me down..

I remember just a few months back when I was starting my second year that I would have (relatively) good stamina to face the deluge of patients that would come pouring through the ER doors. Now as I stand on the verge of (hopefully) moving on to higher (and less physically demanding) things, I find myself constantly fatigued.. I don't know if it's because of more patients, more complex cases, or just age slowing me down..

Oh yeah, I would also like to thank all the wonderful people who took time out to remember my birthday a few weeks ago. especially my family, my bros, and my "minions". :D

Special thanks to brother for the coolest birthday gift ever!

I surely hope I can survive this "race" and get myself a much-needed breather..

Checklist

Ok, since today I'm stuck at home due to poor health (again), I have drawn up a short to-do list to guide me as I do stuff.

1) blog

2) read for report

3) type report

4) other paperwork

 5) blog again

I'm really tired of being angry so I guess I shall hold off another angry rant or now..

Disgruntled Ranting

As an incoming senior (hopefully) by this December, I can't help but feel a little disappointed by what's happening at the helm. I'm not talking about my immediate seniors, as they have done a super job of keeping it all together (somewhat) and not letting everything fall apart at the seams, especially our current chief resident.

I'm talking about the people a step above them.. I won't mention names o even the title we give them lest I offend anyone without directly meaning to.

It all began with the change of system. They thought that it would be better to replace the old system of "teams", which in my opinion works really well given our setting in this hospital, and applied a new system of "posts" which is in accordance with PCP rules. Now I'm in no position to say what is supposedly right, but why must you replace something that has already worked really well in the past? Under the old teams system, the continuity of patient care is not interrupted. Duty admits, takes care of, and discharges the patient. It is that same group which is responsible for the follow up of their own patients after discharge, thus ensuring that there is no break in the chain of health care. Under the new system which is being used in the other more "prestigious"institutions, the residents have well-defined posts which they cycle through every month. While this setup may be ideal for the second year level (as they really do have their own posts anyway due to subspecialties), I strongly feel that the learning of the first years is severely compromised. Patients aren't that well taken cared of, and the work and responsibility is merely passed around. The only winner in this equation is the Pay ward, wherein the patients are ought to be better served not only by the consultants that they were admitted under, but by the rest of the hospital staff as well. It is unfair to expect that majority of the problems encountered by the patient would be shouldered by the RODs. Even blood extractions (which is SUPPOSEDLY the responsibility of the laboratory staff) is often referred to the Interns (in effect, affecting the work of the RODs). It would be nice to see the rest of the hospital work more efficiently for a change.. Is that too much to ask?..

Ok, so I kinda digressed that time. The point I intend to really get across is due to the fickle-mindedness of some individuals, who I seriously think have lost touch with reality, the quality of training suffers. The setting of very unrealistic expectations and goals for an inappropriate situation would affect the trainees the most. This is very dangerous, not only for the careers of those at the bottom, but for the patients as well. No matter how good or intelligent a doctor one is, fatigue is an enemy that can never be denied..

Ok, I'm running out of steam already.. This will have to do for now..

Whatever works for you

Here's another interesting topic.. Potentially sensitive, but purely unintentional if found offensive to some.. Here goes..

A nagging thought has been bothering me lately since I became single again. Since I have been out of the dating game for SOOO long (heck, I never really entered the dating game to begin with), I had never really given any thought about a list of turn-ons and turn-offs until recently. Seeing as this would prove to be a lengthy discussion, I'll just focus on turn-offs first.

1) Tattoos

There are some men that find women with tattoos hot, interesting, or exciting. I am not one of those dudes. Call me old fashioned, but I feel that its just not that great to have a bit of artificial design intentionally etched permanently on one's skin, no matter how good the art might be. Everything about it just screams "tacky". As far as eyebrow tattoos are concerned, am not too sure, but most probably I would say no as well, as it goes against my idealization of "natural beauty".

2) Smoking

Some time ago, I asked a girl I dated if she smoked. She said "No, but will you judge me if I do?" Having had a lot of time to think about it since then , I don't think I'll judge her, but I'll probably keep my distance. Although girls who smoke are not necessarily bad news, being the old fashioned guy that I am (with suspected asthma to boot), smokers won't really make my list..

3) Am-Girls

People who know me know that I have a tendency to be "conyo" because I think the ability to speak English eloquently is quite elegant. That being said, I have no fondness for the so-called Fil-Am girls who are unable to speak stright tagalog. Ok, fine, so I have a mixed ethnicity myself, but at least I have proper command of the language of the place where I am staying.. I have no Illusions of settling down in the land of my ancestors speaking broken bits of Chinese. :P Another important factor to consider here is the upbringing people coming from the States usually have. I know it may seem like stereotyping, but better safe than sorry, right? The impression that those people leave here is not really too favorable..

I guess that's the list for now. I've run out orf steam, and this post is already really late as it is (started 6 months prior to publication)