Olympic Moment, and a lot of rage (as usual 😅)

 Lemme change things up for a second as I take a break from not doing my case report. 😅

😜😜😜

 Anyone here in the Philippines who is not living under a rock would probably know of the amazing feat that the local weightlifting fairy Hidilyn Diaz was able to accomplish.

Yup, I'd say it's hella difficult to miss posts like these on your feed.

I am no stranger to getting swept up in national pride, and for the first time in so long, I genuinely felt it again. This woman has gone through so much, and trained so hard to get to where she is now, and she really did it for flag and country! Watching her cry at top of the podium while singing the national anthem as Lupang Hinirang played for all the world to hear, gave me goosebumps as I felt an entire plethora of unexpected emotions.. 

I shall never forget this image, and will tell stories of it to my future children.. (Image source here)

The fact that she was praising and thanking God in the middle of it all was so touching and inspiring (Image source here)

To paraphrase and add to what a friend said earlier, she has lifted the country on her shoulders out of the depths of fear and uncertainty, even for a brief moment, to remind us of who we are and what we should stand for. It is just unfortunate that all this happened under the shadow of the pandemic, but that does not diminish her achievement at all. She bested powerhouse China, of all nations, to win the first ever Olympic gold medal for the Philippines.

Looks like Team China wasn't too happy about being beaten at their own game by the country they have been bullying, eh? #SorryNotSorry (Image source here)

I have to admit that I wasn't really an avid fan of Philippine Olympic participation the past years. My earliest memory of interest in the Olympics was when Masueto "Onyok" Velasco Jr. won silver in the 48kg boxing category during the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. Sadly, Onyok terminated his olympic campaign to capitalize on his popularity by acting as a comedian in local sitcoms. The unfortunate story can be read here.

The first Pinoy Olympic hero I was exposed to (Image source here)

Be that as it may, Onyok, like all the other national athletes representing or who have represented the Philippines, also primarily fought for flag and country. Hidilyn's victory made me do some introspection, and has led me to regret supporting another boxer a few years back.

No, I won't be posting a picture of him here, as I do not wish to waste any effort on him, and neither will I mention him by name, because this post is to honor the real sports heroes of the country.

I realized that said boxer was nothing more than just a paid mercenary, fighting not for flag, but for the purse. Filipinos, by nature, gravitated toward him and saw him as a champion of the people. We deluded ourselves that his fights were fights for the country, but that was nowhere near the truth. We threw our support behind him, showered him with praise and adulation. Heck, the army even gave him a substantial honorary command rank in the reserves, all because he was fighting for the millions of pesos that he would pocket after every bout. When he wins, he wins for himself. He brings recognition to the country, sure. Indirectly at best, but bear in mind that it is not an achievement for the nation, and nor should his wins be a source of national pride, kasi pera-pera lang naman yan eh. Our country becomes the "idiot nation" where said mercenary was able to charm the population into voting him into higher public office despite having nary a hint of competency for governance. And no, you can't justify that you will just learn on the fly, kasi hindi ito boxing, gago. The things you do in office will have an impact on populations of people. No wonder developed countries are laughing at us for being a backward banana republic. We put the wrong people in office turn a blind eye to them enriching themselves while the same people moan about how bad things are and how government should do more for them.

On the other hand, you have the true national athletes, languishing in their dilapidated training facilities, with nary a drop of support compared to the one shown to the mercenary. They only get a mere pittance of an allowance, and the government seems to ignore them unless there is a potential photo op to be had. Now I really feel sorry for not supporting Philippine sports in earnest, mainly because I was generally indifferent to sports growing up. Now I know better, and I intend to do better for them.

Another peeve I have for this boxing mercenary is his corruption of sport, although in hindsight, his actions were inevitable and should have been expected. Said mercenary made waves when he was drafted as a playing coach in the highest basketball league of the land. It was in al likelihood a massive publicity stunt by the company behind the said team, but it really pissed me off. You have this guy, a superb athlete in his field (boxing), who just happens to like basketball and plays somewhat well at the barangay level (I dunno, I never cared to see him play), suddenly shoehorned into a roster spot that thousands if not millions of hopeful players have been training their whole lives to earn someday. Initially I was so disgusted by this act, that he bypassed (and in turn, disrespected) the normal grind that any athlete goes through to reach the highest level, and just pissed on it all just because he got fucking popular due to his fights for money. 

I am no athlete, but as an avid basketball fan, I have massive respect for those who train to get to where they are. To have this total amateur take a free ride to the top just like that was just a slap to the face. I though sport was the ultimate equalizer, that money wasn't supposed to matter as long as you had the skills to compete at the highest level (I am aware that getting good training costs money, but that is besides the point I am trying to get across here). Its a bit funny, because the dude came from a humble background, quite similar to other athletes from the provinces who try their luck in Manila by way of college athletic scholarships. Now I realize that I should not have been disgusted, because that is the sort of thing that I should have expected from him from the get-go.

Bottom line is that he should not have deserved my respect and admiration as a supposed national sports icon. If ever, he would just be noticed because he seemed good in winning fights for prize money.

Before I end my piece, I would like to share another thing I saw that got me triggered all over again:

Now this is just pathetic. Coming on the heels of Hidilyn's historic win is another case of Filipinos trying to ride the coattails of someone who does not represent them. No disrespect to the athlete. A win is a win, and this post by no means aims to diminish the achievement. Congratulations all the same. What I'm hitting at is the attribution of the achievement. Wake up guys, the person is still classified as a foreigner who plays for another country, so it's cringeworthy to see putting #Olympinoywalangimposible hashtags underneath this, because she ain't Pinay in the Olympic sense. Kahit pa sabihin niya na Pinay pride siya or whatever, bottomline is ang panalo niya ay hindi para sa atin, kundi para sa Amerika! She does not represent us, and it makes no sense that you are trying to foster a sense of ownership and pride over something that is clearly not ours. That above post should not have been done, or at least could have been handled a bit differently. We go from praising Hidilyn as a true local hero, to lumping her together with all these Fil-Ams and their wins for other countries. We should have more national pride than that. We should not be riding the achievements of people who are not truly "one of us", because they did not really do anything tangible for the country, na nagkataon lang na may lahing Pinoy. Ang pathetic lang kasi.. Nakakahiya na.. Yun lang.

The challenge of productivity amidst bed weather..

Image source here

 I have been here at my desk for the better par of the day, attempting (without any success) to continue the case report that I have (thankfully) started working on yesterday.

But hey, at least I'm not lying on my bed snoozing the hours away. 😅

As the title implies, it's just so hard to motivate oneself under such soporific conditions, which is why I took a dose of caffeine this morning. The net result was that I didn't need to sleep, but I had to pee more often (as expected). 😅

And yet I was still unproductive. 😅😄😄

Which is why I'm blogging this down right now, to acclimatize myself to using the keyboard again as I struggle to complete this requirement before the weekend is over.

The rain has been on and off lately, contributing to a cool, relaxing climate that can easily lull your brain to sleep.. I just hope that the reported flooding around the metro resolves soon.

In the midst of my struggles with procrastination, I chanced upon this interesting TED talk by a brilliant 7-year-old girl who was talking about the impact of parental interactions with children during the critical period from infancy to at least age 5. Her talk (like most TED talks honestly) was short but highly informative. She spoke really well for her age, and was able to get her message across quite clearly. Here is the link below for those who want to watch it:

https://www.ted.com/talks/molly_wright_how_every_child_can_thrive_by_five

Watching that talk reminded me of what I aspire for when I give lectures.. To be able to give a highly informative lecture without boring the audience or causing them to tune out because I made it too long or high-falluting. I understand that aiming for simplicity is not as easy as it sounds when you are talking about academic activities as is typical in the medical field, but what is the point of giving a talk if the people you are lecturing to are unable to take away anything from it? I think a lot of people get too wrapped up in what they want to say, that they tend to forget the people that they wish to convey the information to. Now, this is not a knock against the people who speak at conventions, as I have attended my own fair share of fascinating talks by brilliant speakers. Sadly though, there are those few that fall through the cracks and give a barely understandable talk fettered by too much information. The person is always brilliant to say the least, and is typically a top content expert in the field, so the mastery of the content being conveyed is unquestionable.. 

 However, mastery of content does not necessarily equate to mastery of delivery, and far too often, if you are not in the upper ranks of the academic society, you may only grasp a bare minimum of what the speaker is trying to get across, and I'm not even taking into account those presentations loaded with barely intelligible figures and graphs that may only be decipherable by the presentor.

Please don't get me wrong, I am by no means putting myself above these speakers, because I am quite sure that next to them, I am just a potato. The point I am trying to get across is that the ability to teach well is a gift, and not everyone has it. Being a remembered as a good teacher, not necessarily in a formal academic setting, is something that I am really aspiring for. There is no greater reward at the end of a lecture, than when you realize that your audience was actually able to pick up a thing or two from what you had shared. 😉

Crab Mentality

 

Image from here

 I was just browsing my old social media posts when I stumbled upon one of my most favorite quotations of all time. It is just a simple comment to an article, but I love it nonetheless. It pretty much hits the nail on the head, so I decided to also repost it here for posterity.

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 "... Filipinos indeed have this unspoken social protocol of "not allowing others to get ahead". Consider the reverse custom among Filipinos when it comes to celebrating one's birthday. In other countries, your friends throw a party for you (should you be "party worthy" that is), all expenses on them and not on you. They celebrate you being their friend, not as benefactor. In the Philippines, whether to celebrate your birthday or a job promotion, the protocol is "mag-pa-blow-out ka". It's ostensibly done to "share the wealth", but if that were true, then why would people feel resentful if you don't treat "them" during "your" day of celebration? In the process of spending for that blow-out, whatever financial gains you might have had from your job promotion is negated..."

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For those wondering about crab mentality, here is the Wikipedia definition:

"Crab mentality, also known as crab theory, crabs in a bucket (also barrel, basket, or pot) mentality, or the crab-bucket effect, is a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you". The metaphor is derived from a pattern of behavior noted in crabs when they are trapped in a bucket. While any one crab could easily escape, its efforts will be undermined by others, ensuring the group's collective demise.

The analogy in human behavior is claimed to be that members of a group will attempt to reduce the self-confidence of any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, resentment, spite, conspiracy, or competitive feelings, to halt their progress"

Exit Interview

 

Image source here

I'm roughly a week removed from my official end of training, and I guess it would only be appropriate that I made an entry about it.

I honestly haven't really taken it all in yet, as the previous year was fraught with so many different problems that preoccupied my psyche. It was damn near impossible to do any sort of thoughtful introspection. As a matter of fact, a number of unfinished requirements still bothers me to this day, since I still have a pair of upcoming presentations coming up, not to mention the researches that still need to be passed.. Oh, and let's not forget the logbook and the annual report! 😵

So yeah, there's still tons to do, and I didn't even count the review for the boards! 😱

 Don't get me wrong though. I am really grateful to all my mentors and everyone who has helped along the way for me to be able to gain some semblance of competency in this field. I just hope I don't turn out to be just a big disappointment..

How do I feel?, you might ask.. Well, I guess its pretty obvious that I'm feeling a great relief that the long (extended) year is now finally over, and I will not have to do any more telemedicine consultations for the foreseeable future. Honestly though, I have done enough telemed to last a lifetime. 😅

So yeah, now that I have rested a bit already, I'm now basically working my way through the pile to hopefully get everything done in time to ensure I have enough left for a serious review.

Let's go.

Finishing up

 As time winds down on the few remaining days of my (hopefully last) clinical fellowship, I find myself confronting a lot of different emotions.. Strangely enough, this is a lot different compared to the time that I was counting down the days to the end of my first subspecialty training. Ss I recall, it involved a lot more reminiscing, and I was even doing a daily picture upload to document the approach of my forthcoming exit from the program.

 This time around, the prevailing feeling is one of relief that it is all over. Everyone who has had the experience of training amidst the pandemic has a unique story to tell, the likes of which will have difficulty resonating with others who have not lived through the experience. A lot of adaptations had to be made in order for programs to survive, and ours was no exception. I never thought I would find myself sick and tired of telemedicine consultations, since it has more of that future-tech vibe, but here we are. Zoom fatigue is definitely very real, and hopefully when the time comes for me to resume practice (after the board examinations), people will be brave enough (and completely vaccinated) to engage in face-to-face consultations.

 Talking to a miniature image of a person through a camera, screen, and speakers is way different from the personal engagement and interactions of the classic clinic visit. With the latter, the dialogue is  more nuanced, and the responses more genuine. People have always talked about the dichotomy of medicine being both an art and science. The science is still there, but the art somehow loses its luster when you limit human interactions to remote exchanges conducted through technology, no matted how advanced it is..

Besides my newly-discovered disdain for teleconsultations, this year has been such a roller coaster of emotions that it is near impossible to consider the sum of all these feelings to be a positive one, Sad to say, this may be the first time I graduate from a program feeling like I never want to come back.. 😞

This isn't to say that I won't be helping out the juniors that would come after me though, but that would actually depend on who will be the juniors entering the program. Fortunately, the new faces we were introduced to seem receptive enough, and I would be happy to help them out as they begin their journey. I can't really spoon-feed them everything though, since we had to tough it out ourselves with little by the way of actual endorsements given the situation of the times... But to be honest, it is getting tiresome making excuses for the higher ups..

 I am sure our batch will be compared to those that would follow us, and we would seem like the black sheep who could not do as well as the others, but I hope that we would be remembered as "those guys that kept things going" in spite of everything. It wasn't great or fantastic by any conceivable measure, but at least we survived and put the program in a position to begin thriving again, even though we ourselves will not be there to enjoy the successes that future batches would be able to fully experience...

Let it be known that I am not ungrateful. As a matter of fact, we are extremely thankful to have been in training in spite of everything, and that the bosses went out of their way (for the most part) to ensure that the program would continue through some shape or form. Personally though, it is hard to not feel like a half-baked version of what an actual graduate of the program should be like. However, recent discoveries have led us to conclude that we may not be so different from them after all, but I guess that's a story for another time, if ever.. 😉

I can't wait to put everything behind me, but I also still have so much to do. Today actually marked a big step forward, since I have successfully rested myself the past couple of days, and am fully prepared to face the coming challenge with a renewed vigor and a fresh insight. I had discovered (too little too late) that I was not being myself this past year. I had shifted my way of doing things too much in order to conform to a perceived standard and so that I would not alienate others around me.. But that wasn't me.. Looking back, I realized I had been stifling myself from operating at peak efficiency. The other day, my inner monologue kicked in and I began questioning myself in the car: "What the heck are you doing? This isn't you. What are you so worried about? You got this."

Strange as it may seem, that encounter with my subconscious kind of jolted me awake from my self-imposed hibernation, and right in the nick of time too. I can now approach the coming days with a new kind of resolve because of this healthy change of perspective. I just hope I can sustain this all the way to the submission of requirements and the final examinations.. I'm quite sure I had help from the Big Man Upstairs.. Only He knows me this well, and I'm 100% positive that this is all His doing.. Thank you.. I will do my best. 🙏

On case series and case reports

 Just posting for posterity. Source here.

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"The best case reports describe a unique or nearly unique case, an important variation (outlier case), unexpected outcome or adverse event, or unexpected association between diseases or disorders. Manuscripts are most likely to be accepted if they state why the case is worth reading, describe the case and all relevant data, discuss why the case is unique or unexpected, provide alternative explanations for case features, and offer clinical implications. The best case series include a consecutive well-defined sample of subjects, report interventions with enough detail for reproduction, account for all patients initially assessed and enrolled, and provide adequate follow-up with descriptions of dropouts and losses."

Tick Tock..

 

Image taken from here

Here we go again with another round of procrastination..

I currently have to accomplish a lot on my plate tonight (which in hindsight, I should have been working on for the past couple of days already, but as you may already know, my struggles with getting things started has been nothing short of legendary.. 😅

So yeah, here I am again, blogging my way out of a nonproductive funk in the hopes that a bit of creative stimulation would help me get going.. To be honest, it tends to work more often than not. 😅

I'm feeling a bit better about the general situation now.. Make no mistake, Covid is still pretty much alive and well, but with vaccinations finally on the upswing, and the people I love mostly having gotten at least a first jab, my mind is finally free to worry less and work more.

Add to the fact that the CPAP seems to work as advertised, and the only problem is actually my personal compliance to usage. I hate to sound like an advertiser, but using CPAP for Obstructive Sleep Apnea DOES work. I admit that it took a while, but now I am generally feeling better in the mornings (except for those preceding nights where I failed to use it of course), and I seem to have more energy and less brain fog in the evenings, like today. 

 At first it was a struggle, because I was suddenly having a lot more potentially productive time on my hands, that I actually struggled with insomnia for a bit. It seems a bit counterintuitive, doesn't it? I am finally able to improve the quality of my sleep, but now I was getting less of it. 😅 Thankfully it was just an adjustment phase that lasted the better part of a week or so, but now I have developed a new routine.

Given that I seem to have a lot more energy from the get-go, I have started doing a brief 5-minute exercise routine upon waking up and before I get the rest of my day started.

Have you guys heard of One-Punch Man? He's an anime protagonist who seems to be unbeatable because he is able to best his opponent with a single blow, much to his chagrin as he searches the world for a worthy challenger.

 Yup, he's the one. Image source here

So this guy called Saitama apparently has a rather straightforward daily training regimen consisting of "100 pushups, 100 situps, 100 squats, and a 10 km run" to which he attributes his superhuman strength. I'm not about to do that anytime soon, especially since I seem to already be developing knee issues.. 😓

So yeah, I have opted to do a modified "1/10th Punch Man workout" that fits my schedule and can help me get started on trying to be fit. 😅 This regimen consists of: 10 pushups, 10 deadlifts, 10 squats, 10 bicep curls, 10 tricep extensions, and 10 side bends (for each side). Take not that this is all just one set. I have not included cardio due to time constraints, but will probably find a way once fellowship is over. 😜

Workout purists will undoubtedly ridicule my choice of routine, but I don't really care. It has been ages since I really worked out, and I don't want this sedentary lifestyle to dictate my future functionality. So yeah, a little bit of strength training never hurt anyone. 

I guess that's enough creativity for now. I think I have gotten on my groove again. As always, keep safe, wash your hands, watch your distance, and wear a mask. We'll all be out of this mess soon, as long as people cooperate. 😷