Stressed to the nth level

I'm on duty today, as the Senior House Officer, no less. I hate the anxiety that goes with it, and everyone knows that I hate being on duty as SHO.. :( In fact, I would take ward or ICU duty over SHO any day. :/ ER duty? nah, I'll pass.. Well, I hate being on duty in general, and since the end of training is finally near, I feel that it couldn't come soon enough.

I just can't wait until the sun goes down and everyone else goes home. There's a better feeling of calm and control that goes with the twilight..

It was far from my intentions to start off the year with another negative post, but this is my outlet, and I realy, really need to let off some steam.. Now, where do I begin?..

I find it really sad and unfortunate that the department is the way it is a present, and thus I can't wait for the year to end so I can be rid of this place.. The pressures that I feel here are unbearable, and that's just one aspect of the problem..

I got to spend some much-needed quality time with my Other Half yesterday, and it reminded me of the things that really mattered most in life. :) As always, the best dates are those wherein we were able to have long talks about the stuff that matters.

On a side not, a little funny story happened as well. We were just hanging out at an area of the mall overlooking the big chritmass tree at the lobby when a group of schoolkids in uniform, probably grade 4-5, approached us and asked us if we were koreans! :P Before they asked the quesion, I was a little bothered coz they surrounded us and I thought I had to beat them off with a stick lest they were actually little pickpocketing bandits. :P But I guess all they wanted was a selfie with actual koreans. XD

Argh.. Staying here is such a drag.. I actually can't stand being with most ofthe people here anymore. At least the juniors are a little better and seem a bit more fun to be with. :P

I went on a journey yesterday with one of my batchmates to ditribute invitations and posters for our forthcoming postgraduate symposium. We went aound the metro delivering the materials to hospitals mainly in the QC area. We made a stop at a nearby Burger King for lunch and since it was subsidized, I decided to give their most expensive burger a go. :P It was delicious, although I think I would have ben better off eatinga double patty instead of a burger with other types of meat interspersed with it. Yes, there was indeed a cacophony of different flavors, but I'm a burger purist, and this I think the flavor should be rich but not all over the place. :)

We just had another incident which further conviced me that I do not want to stay here any longer than necessary.. :/

I'm tired of all of this.. Of all the callroom drama, the ever-changing curriculum requirements, the shallow interactions..

I can't help but wonder how different things would have been if alittle adjustment here or thre was made earlier on, and right people wound up at the right place..

Sigh.. I can whine and pine all I want forthings to be different, but the fact of the matter is that it won't be. All I can do is adjust to make the most of a sad situation in order to survive and hopefully make it through unscathed..

Hmm.. now its 6pm.. things have quieted down a bit already..I hope this lasts the night..

2017 "YearStarter"

I'll admit that I was a bit lazy to write my annual yearender blogpost last night, so I decided on a compromise, to make a post on the first day of the new year. :)

As usual, Christmas has come and gone, and in this instance, the New Year celebration as well. So, here I am holed up in the hospital for the first duty of 2017, and I hope this will be a quiet one so as to not interrupt my annual retrospective..

This year has really been a struggle for me, and I bet for a great number of you as well since this has been a very difficult year all around.. My umpteenth "Senior Year" found me finding solace in the fact that I no longer had to man the Emergency Room, but I was now straddled (once again) with the responsibilities of being the highest official in charge (especially during night duties). With this, I am forever grateful for my formative years back at the old hospital where gutsiness and confidence were bred into our systems, by force if need be, due to the overwhelming demands of a government institution. Having said this, the "senior's load" was surprisingly still quite heavy, and I'm not just talking about the responsibilities of being senior to a group of newbies to the trade, but the task list seemed to grow heavier as well..

I was grateful though for the opportunity to head out-of-town due to a midyear convention, but boy did it come at a price! Being a contestant for an inter-institution debate is no joke! While all my compatriots were lounging around and resting, I was busy burning the midnight oil even up until the night before the event! :P Apart from that, the little challenges that came my way seemed to all stack up on a regular basis. I have had barely enough time to catch my breath and get my bearings when I had to move on to another equally challenging time-limited objective. And given my penchant for both procrastination and being OC once I got started on my work, this combination proved to be very deadly indeed. :(

Having said all that, I really enjoyed my stay out-of-town, and will definitely return with loved ones in the future :D

This year was not all about toxicity though.. This is also a year where I began seriously contemplating how it would be like if our family finally got our very own car. Granted we are working with a relatively small budget, but there are numerous offerings out there, and the priciest may not always be the best choice. ;) Steps have been taking, and we have been reading up on a lot of stuff as well, but we admittedly have a long way to go.. but at least we got the ball rolling, right? :)

This year I was also able to meet up with my Other Half's friends, and she was able to join me and the guys on a couple of BNOs as well. Things seem to be going quite smoothly, and I pray that this continues in the years that follow. :D

I guess the theme this year for me was exploring the limits of, and going beyond my comfort zone.. I guess it's also a part of growing up (?) but one cannot ignore the fact that there is someone else that helped me overcome these barriers and continues to inspire me to be brave to this very day. ;)

I guess I could say that I really grew more this past year, both in knowledge and experience as a doctor, as well as in love and wisdom as a person.. Even though it has been a bumpy ride, I am grateful for the year that was, and I face this new year with nervous anticipation for a brand new start! :)

A few resolutions would also have to be in order, since this technically still is a yearender post. The resolutions would be as follows:

- Spend less time (close to none if possible) on Facebook. It's a great time sink, and it stealthily consumes more time than you would expect, giving you little in return.

- Less time online (including game time) and more time interacting with the real world. This one is a no-brainer, and deleting applications is a priority

- Live and love more. As I will be set free from the constraints of the training schedule, I can finally try to live life the way i was meant to be lived.

- Travel? (As budget allows though)

- Blog more. I know it seems to go against the principle of the second one, I can still create these intellectual exercises offline and just jump in to post for a few moments.

- Be a better brother. Not just to brother dear, but to the BNO bros as well

- Be a better son. (duh!)

- Make time for the Big Man Upstairs. Its been a long while, we seriously need to catch up..

- One last exam. I know it will still be a year from now, but fortune favors those who are prepared.

There, that should do it for now! I have now made it a goal to put up a post at least once a month so the blog doesn't grow stale. :D

Rant aftermath

Whew.. That was a long one..

I would like to make clear that I am not targeting any individuals as I have no beef with anyone from that religion individually. Its just the system as a whole that sickens me..

Enough of that.. I'm gonna draw a line on all this negativity caused by religion and go back to our regular non-religious programming..

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The UAAP season is now in full swing, and al eyes are on DLSU with their spotless 4-0 record. I think we have a pretty even field this year, and that games can go either way for the most part. A good example of this would be Adamson's 1-point victory over perennial powerhouse Ateneo off a last minute jumper near the top of the key.. I really missed the UAAP, and I'm glad it's finally back onj track. I'm thinking of following the NCAA as well. a 10-team field seems interesting, and the balance of power seems to have shifted a bit away from San Beda and San Sebastian which to my recollection have been really successful in recent years. Sana lang hindi na sila larong kalye unlike before..

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I'm in the library for research yet again. This time it will be in preparation for a speaking engagement on a much bigger stage.. It is a burden I had no wish or intention to carry,. but I guess my chief had no other choice but to put me on the chopping block since everyone else already had their turn..I just hope I could put this off without a hitch..

Religion Rant

I'm sorry to disrupt the flow of the blog, but I really just need to let off some steam...

I have tried for the longest time to keep this blog free from any negativity concerning politics and religion (except for that moron Pakyu, who never really deserved to get into the senate in the first place), but recent events have struck a nerve and compelled me to put this down.. This is an accumulation of years of pent-up outrage, and I really have to let this one loose lest I go insane..

I have no love nor even the least bit of liking for this so-called religion which preaches love for life and respect for others but those who claim to be true followers do just the opposite.. I am sick of reading about their religious intolerance in their home countries.. I am sick of hearing about how they treat women as second-class citizens.. I am sick of hearing about all this rhetoric of killing all who do not believe in their faith.. I am sick of how they force their religion unto others in this modern and supposedly more civilized age.. I am sick of all the killings that their nutjobs do in the name of their"great" god.. I am sick of their strict implementation of their religious law, which curtails basic freedoms and preaches a culture of hate and barbarism.. I am sick of reading about their religious texts which seem very inappropriate in this time of decency, which people still blindly follow by the letter since it is a supposed word of god.. All those abuses committed in the name of religion based on texts which seem very open to negative interpretations by the wrong people.. Yes I do fear them taking over the institutions of this civilization that people have struggled through centuries to put up and perfect. I have no wish for out culture to descend into barbarism, where basic decency is nonexistent and the rule of law seems animalistic.. I am so disappointed in them because even though the "decent" ones among them supposedly speak out against the evils their brethren have caused, it is often nothing more than just lip service to appease the outraged. They seem totally incapable of policing their ranks, or are they? A more sinister side to this is that they probably have a hidden agenda of letting their religion of evil run rampant across the globe, swallowing up all others in the name of their twisted ideologies.. The ones that they won't convert, they will kill.. all of this in the 21st century.. How disappointing.. Other religions have moved forth and adapted to the times, why can't they? Why can't they get along with the rest of the world? Why can't they accept that there will be others who will not believe what they do? Why do they have to force other people to adapt to their beliefs when other people don't really give a rat's ass? Why do they have to be treated extra special? It's kind of like a brat who makes a tantrum when it does not get what it wants and when it does get it by being persistently annoying, would desire more and try to get more since the trick already worked before.. Is it because they are truly evil? I'm sorry if this post may be offensive to some, but to tell you the truth, I have been offended too you know.. Do I not have a right to say my piece when I have been offended? It's just my opinion, or will you not respect that as well? This just proves my point..

Some would say, "you've made your point, but what could be done about it?" Its simple. Police your ranks! The change has to come from within. The other religions will not have a say in this, because it is yours and it is your responsibility to clean up your act because you will be held responsible by the deity that you follow. Change is badly needed if you want to change the perception of how the world at large sees you. If you are unwilling, then that's your problem, and sadly, it becomes the rest of the world's problem as well, which I find unfair because that's your choice, not ours. Why should you be a burden to the rest of the world if you already know the problem but is still unwilling to change..If you tried but are still unable to do anything about it, it might be time to look at yourself and change religions if the belief system does not suit you..

I am not here to convert anyone or force my belief system upon others. I am not calling for violence of any sort because I do not believethat it is appropriate for this situattion. I am just pleading with those people who can do something to go out and make a positie change to help everyone get along. Change what you have to, do away with any unecessary of potentially inflammatory statements in your texts that would do more harm than good. I don't know.. I just wish there would be less hatred and less opportunities to create hatred in religions name by altering the teachings to suit the needs of this more enlightened and civilized age where people are supposed to act with decency and not barbarism..

Sometimes I wonder how religion fits into today's modern society.. It was good to serve as a belief system during the olden time because you needed to unite people under a banner to create change. But seeing the way things are evolving now, with religion more often being used as a tool to try to move society back to the dark ages by way of adherence to and blind acceptance of outdated teachings that preach a lot of violence, intolerance, and sometimes dumb concepts that we now know have no place in the modern world we live in..

A long, long while...

It feels like it has been ages since I last posted something worthwhile, with the last I recall being a blurb I got out while in the midst of my much-enjoyed Sleep Medicine rotation (which I unfortunately was unable to maximize because f all the concomitant paperwork and presentations that happened during the given time span. Its a Sunday duty, and I resolved to make the most of it while the lull lasts..

A lot of stuff has been happening both in my life, as well as in the world at large, and I shall attempt to cover these things through a forthcoming blogspam..

 Nah.. I'll just put everything into one giant hodgepodge post and let you guys sort things out for yourselves. :P

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THE BALL PIT

I recently went with my Other Half to check out the Ball Pit Manila, which happens to be situated in Makati very near MMC.. weird.. :P People that know me well know for a fact that I tend to avaoid Makati like the plague due to horror stories of getting lost and getting caught for weird traffic violations due to unclear or hidden traffic signs, or basically a puzzling road network with unforgiving and corrupt traffic officials manning the streets who would pounce on you at every opportunity, taking advantage of the fact that you are lost and uncomfortable.

My fears were allayed by the fact that I had the guidance of Waze to help me through the ordeal. An additional motivation was the fact that this was actually a Girls' Night Out (GNO?) for thm, and I had just been invited to tag along. Not wanting to be a spoilsport, and having excused myself from a previous meeting already before, I decided that I needed to go with the flow on this one, and go out of my comfort zone for someone else, and actually meet new people for a change.. (what a run-on sentence.. :P)

Needless to say, it was truly a unique experience, and a very relaxing one at that.. As a kid, I shied away from these ball pits since I kinda disliked all the running and shouting that go with these playgrounds. Now that I'm older though, there was a strange calming effect of lying in a pit filled with white PVC balls and stumbling through the entire shifting mess.. It lasted for only an hour, but the fun memories from that place are gonna last a while..

We had dinner at Kanin Club at the Ayala Triangle shortly thereafter. There wasn't really anything significant to write home about since I had been to Kanin Club with my family before, but the company was different, and I could say that I was glad to have gone out and tried something new for a change..

After we parted ways with her friends, we began our long and anxiety-filled trek back to the car, and eventually getting home safe and sound via Gil Puyat and EDSA.. As weird as this may sound fro a fully grown adult, I guess I became a bit braver that day, and it seems that I had shown myself that I was capable of overcoming yet another psychological hurdle to my development as a person. :)

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B-DAY 2016

A few weeks back, I finally used one of my leave credits to take time off and celebrate my birthday after so many years of just going with the flow of the hospital schedule regardless of the occasion. It felt so liberating to be able to wake up on our day and know that you won't have to go to work since you had already arranged for the day off yourself.. #GiftToSelf :P

As my luck would have it, my scheduled break coincided with an unexpected rest day for her as well! So needless to say, we were able to spend the better part of the day together. Adding to my joy was the fact that her parents were cool with the idea of us going out in the middle of the workweek since it was my day after all.. :D

All in wall, it was a very memorable day, and I am deeply grateful to have had the chance to experience something like that, although it was just a simple day away from the hospital. :)

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KINGSGLAIVE FINAL FANTASY XV

Before I forget, I watched Kungslaive, and it was AWESOME!!!! :D

Long overdue

Finally! After a couple of months worth of exhaustion and procrastination, I have finally been able to revise my research protocol, and now I don't have to hide from my adviser anymore! :D Now the challenge lies in maintaining this momentum that I seem to have gained for myself..

This has been a grueling past couple of months for me to say the very least. Being SHO and ICU at the same time during duty nights for two straight months can suck the happiness out of anyone, not to mention a considerable amount of energy and zest for life. :P

Finally I have broken free, and am now happily tucked away at the sleep lab for an entire month where I have minimal interactions with the outside world and can finally have a bit of peace and quiet..

I've recently been diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea, a diagnosis which I have long suspected anyway. What remains to be seen is the severity which would be revealed when my poluysomnogram results come out. Sleep Medicine is a fascinating science, and I never thought that there would be more to sleep than just, uh, sleeping..

The implications of this OSA diagnosis however, means that I may have to invest in a CPAP device which would greatly aid in improving my sleep quality. I'm a little apprehensive though, since theses devices tend to cost a pretty penny, although the Sleep fellow says that it costs about as much as the latest iPhone.. Problem is, I'm not really fond of buying top of the line devices, so the price is still gonna hurt my wallet badly.. :(

Putting things in perspective though, I guess I'm obligated to keep myself healthy since I intend to live a full and happy life with another in the future ;), and I'll be damned if  I'd let something like this get in the way. :)

I've also been thinking a lot about purchasing a vehicle for the family. We've never really had a car we can call our own since I was a child (since we've never had the finances to do so). I'm not thinking high-end here, since it's really going to be impractical from my standpoint. I just need a reliable vehicle to get us from point A to B without any hitch and would seat my aging parents comfortably. You see, I notice my parents now seem to have a difficult time getting in and out of sedans.. but a regular SUV is out of the question due to the prohibitive cost.. Sigh.. We'll just have to wait and see what develops... :/

Growing up is really expensive business.. I guess I consider myself lucky that I still do not have kids to worry about. Seeing my bros with their families often leaves me a little bothered as to whether I can deal with all of that once it does come my way eventually,,

It has been raining like crazy lately, and all that without a definite storm in the country's area of responsibility, with the threat of massive flooding always a grim possibility. In fact, I already encountered a bit of flooding the other day as I was making my way home.. Good thing I was able to find a place to stop and wait it out.. I hope the days that follow won't be as bad..

From Russia with love...

Just a quick hit before I return to my regularly scheduled programming..

I just saw on the blogger control panel that this blog has recently registered a whopping 252 hits from Russia!

So.. uh... hi to all my Russian readers out there. :)

Please do drop me a line. It'd be great to hear from you. I can't speak or read your language though :/

(*though I think the hits may not really be legit and are just part of a greater scam scheme or something..)