Having been granted the rare luxury of a little bit of free time while here at work, I sat down with the intent of putting an entry down to catch up on all the backlog I may have incurred for some time.
I just realized that it's already been around 5 months since I resumed working at a hospital and roughly 4 months since I took on the full responsibilities of a medical resident..
It feels a little strange looking back like this. Although I had always know that I would go back and finish training, recent events including my non-acceptance to the TMC Neurology program left me in limbo for quite a while. I guess I'm really blessed that Im' back on my feet once again, trying to do my best at the only thing I may be good at. being a doctor..
I guess I find it strange because at one point, I never thought I would be back in the hospital. I had technically committed carrer suicide, having already backed out from two reputable training programs. AFter failing to return to Neurology, I was concerned that no one in their right mind would take me in to train.. Fortunately, He had other plans in store..
I'll give a brief overview of my life thus far..
Obviously, you have the neverending cycle of pre-duty-from, which is expected to continue for the next two and a half years.. :P
On the outside, things have pretty much remained the same. A resident's life is never easy, especially if you go into one of the more challenging disciplines like Internal Medicine. Despite this, I can't help that things will turn out a bit differently this time around..
Like I've previously mentioned, I'm presently knee-deep in the thick of things, having gone further than in any other program that I was fortunate enough to have been a part of. There will always be comparison, how certain things are done in this hospital or that, how easier or harder it is to do things, and what stuff each place needs to improve to get better.
Bottom line is, the "Perfect Program" doesn't exist. It just depends on your personal preferences and what you'll be able to stomach for the next few years just to attain your diplomate status.
At least I'm happy to say that things have been going relatively well thus far.. Now that I'm nearing the halfway point, the so-called "point of no return", I find myself a little excited.. In just a matter of a few more months, I will finally be able to taste how it is to have juniors under me. Sure, it will come with more responsibilities as you assume the roles incumbent to a higher year level, but the novelty amuses me, plus the fact that despite all my "experience" jumping from place to place, "Second Year" is something that has proven elusive to me for some time.
I just hope that my batchmates would be able to keep things together..
I guess I owe the couple of persons I mentioned in an earlier post an apology. I was probably too set in my own ways to realize that good points of the others, and was too closed-minded to see that "thinking like a senior" is not always appropriate when dealing with people who are supposed to be your "batchmates".
I guess I always saw myself as an independent player, an outsider who was just always looking in. Now that I've settled down in my place amongst everyone else, the mindset seems to have changed a bit, and "fitting in", although not really essential, may sometimes be necessary in order to function a bit more smoothly. It has been a long time since I was really part of something important, and I'm glad these people have taken me in and now recognize me as one of their own. I should do the same as well, and recognize my "oneness" with them as well.
Though it may seem to be more practical to stand by and just be an outsider and not get affected by absolutely anything, sometimes you have to take a stand if you want to really be a part of something.
It feels nice to be actually sitting down and writing again. I was too caught up in the hubbub of residency that I feel that I may have forgotten little bits and pieces of myself, aspects of my life which were neglected as I focused on the rat-race that constitutes being a resident of Internal Medicine.
A lot of people are asking me why I left IM in the first place when I now presently find myself seemingly back where I started. That's actually a difficult question to answer, since I had left behind a very solid program in CSMC to foolishly chase after my Neuro dreams, only to turn back and find myself an MROD once again, albeit at a different place with a very different environment and overall feel.
I don't really know where to begin, since I could say that I enjoyed my stay at Cardinal, especially since I left behind friends and fond memories at the hospital. A part of me says that I was not satisfied, another says that I was tired, and yet another says that I just wanted to change things a bit, as people are known to fdo from time to time, seemingly without any clear-cut explanation. My answer would be a combination of all those things, plus the fact that I may have felt that I was being driven (by fate, perhaps?) to find my way into whatever situation I presently am in. THat's just the way the world works, I guess.
It's a little strange.. Even though I have lasted longer than in other programs, I don't feel as drained or fatigued at this point unlike before. I think I may have truly found a place where I belong.. I hope..
Heh, my grammar seems to need a little work. I really need to squeeze in a little more time to do stuff like this just so I could unload my mind and think about things from a differnt perspective. That's the danger of immersing onself too much into one's work. You might get fixated on small details that the rest of your "reality" would just crumble down due to lack of attention..
I have a confession to make, this entry was originally started inside the hospital, but was continued a few days later here amidst the comforts of home.
I wish the internet would come back online. It wouldbe a shame if I was forced to post this from the office PC tomorrow.. That would defeat the purpose of writing an entry leisurely, right? I mean, this message was intended to be published during this writing (5/7/12 2240h)
Oh wow, it's already almost 11, I guess I'd better wrap up, since I'm going on duty again tomorrow.. Sigh.
It's true that the schedule is starting to take it's toll on me, but unlike my previous experiences, it's easier to find reasons to keep on coming back with a fresh perspective and a better outlook. If this keeps up until October 2014, then I'm all set. :D
Speaking of the future, what else is there to look forward to anyway?.. Hmm.. Well, there's the PCP convention that I'll be attending during the next From Duty. I think I'll be meeting a certain someone there as well, which would really make my day (or week, or month, depending on how I would be feeling at the time). :D
Hm.. its 11pm.. Time to hit the sack..
