Barbero ka naman eh!

I'm currently waiting for my turn here at the barbershop. Having a little bit of free time because of the change in.rotations, I've decided to make the most of it and get my monthly trim.

A part of me says that I should have gone straight home instead, since today is Game 2 of the UAAP Finals featuring DLSU vs UST, pitting both Teng brothers against each other for the very last time at the collegiate level, with Jeric graduating after the season.

With that being said, its just so remarkable how far Xavier basketball has gone since the days of the King Stallion Eric Yao who inspired a generation to aspire for hoops greatness, Blue and Gold style.

I'm still on the road to recovery after the heartache I went through a few months back, but I guess you could say things are going as well as they could, given the present circumstances. No, I'm still not attached, and no, the girl I was raving about wasn't really that into me. It's really been just a process of moving on, and not really expecting anything anymore..

As I prepare for what would (hopefully) be my senior and final year at the hospital,,I think I'm starting to feel a bit of optimism shine back in my life.. I guess training really does that to you. It saps you to your very core, and sometimes leaves you clawing around in despair. There were still moments of desolation, especially when the things start to get rough, but I managed to pull through (with a lot of help from the BIg Guy Upstairs). :D

Now I find myself at the beginning of transition month, with the juniors starting to have their first tastes of the ER while our seniors teach us the intricacies of manning the ICU. Its a lot more responsibility, I know, but I would prefer sitting and thinking rather than staying up manning the ER any day. :P

Oops, there's my barber! I'l leave things as is for now.

The Daily Grind

Sigh..

Just woke up.. and now I realize that I have to return to the daily grind of life..

The feeling mostly sucks.

Damn, why isn't there anything to look forward to anymore? Especially on duty days?

The only thing I do look forward to is the time when I'll be able to return to my bed when I am from duty..

Free Time?

They say that time is a precious commodity, and even moreso if taken within the context of residency training..

I find myself constantly walking a tightrope just to keep things in order. It is as though I'm constantly running to just keep barely ahead of a mountain of work following closely at my heels which may trample me lest I trip and fall..

At times, it really did.. This year has been a series of sprints and long runs, all in the name of "training" and requirements. I dunno if it's just me, but it's a feeling that leaves you sick to your stomach.. Being constantly on the go, looking over your shoulder, has already worn me down..

I remember just a few months back when I was starting my second year that I would have (relatively) good stamina to face the deluge of patients that would come pouring through the ER doors. Now as I stand on the verge of (hopefully) moving on to higher (and less physically demanding) things, I find myself constantly fatigued.. I don't know if it's because of more patients, more complex cases, or just age slowing me down..

Oh yeah, I would also like to thank all the wonderful people who took time out to remember my birthday a few weeks ago. especially my family, my bros, and my "minions". :D

Special thanks to brother for the coolest birthday gift ever!

I surely hope I can survive this "race" and get myself a much-needed breather..

Checklist

Ok, since today I'm stuck at home due to poor health (again), I have drawn up a short to-do list to guide me as I do stuff.

1) blog

2) read for report

3) type report

4) other paperwork

 5) blog again

I'm really tired of being angry so I guess I shall hold off another angry rant or now..

Disgruntled Ranting

As an incoming senior (hopefully) by this December, I can't help but feel a little disappointed by what's happening at the helm. I'm not talking about my immediate seniors, as they have done a super job of keeping it all together (somewhat) and not letting everything fall apart at the seams, especially our current chief resident.

I'm talking about the people a step above them.. I won't mention names o even the title we give them lest I offend anyone without directly meaning to.

It all began with the change of system. They thought that it would be better to replace the old system of "teams", which in my opinion works really well given our setting in this hospital, and applied a new system of "posts" which is in accordance with PCP rules. Now I'm in no position to say what is supposedly right, but why must you replace something that has already worked really well in the past? Under the old teams system, the continuity of patient care is not interrupted. Duty admits, takes care of, and discharges the patient. It is that same group which is responsible for the follow up of their own patients after discharge, thus ensuring that there is no break in the chain of health care. Under the new system which is being used in the other more "prestigious"institutions, the residents have well-defined posts which they cycle through every month. While this setup may be ideal for the second year level (as they really do have their own posts anyway due to subspecialties), I strongly feel that the learning of the first years is severely compromised. Patients aren't that well taken cared of, and the work and responsibility is merely passed around. The only winner in this equation is the Pay ward, wherein the patients are ought to be better served not only by the consultants that they were admitted under, but by the rest of the hospital staff as well. It is unfair to expect that majority of the problems encountered by the patient would be shouldered by the RODs. Even blood extractions (which is SUPPOSEDLY the responsibility of the laboratory staff) is often referred to the Interns (in effect, affecting the work of the RODs). It would be nice to see the rest of the hospital work more efficiently for a change.. Is that too much to ask?..

Ok, so I kinda digressed that time. The point I intend to really get across is due to the fickle-mindedness of some individuals, who I seriously think have lost touch with reality, the quality of training suffers. The setting of very unrealistic expectations and goals for an inappropriate situation would affect the trainees the most. This is very dangerous, not only for the careers of those at the bottom, but for the patients as well. No matter how good or intelligent a doctor one is, fatigue is an enemy that can never be denied..

Ok, I'm running out of steam already.. This will have to do for now..

Whatever works for you

Here's another interesting topic.. Potentially sensitive, but purely unintentional if found offensive to some.. Here goes..

A nagging thought has been bothering me lately since I became single again. Since I have been out of the dating game for SOOO long (heck, I never really entered the dating game to begin with), I had never really given any thought about a list of turn-ons and turn-offs until recently. Seeing as this would prove to be a lengthy discussion, I'll just focus on turn-offs first.

1) Tattoos

There are some men that find women with tattoos hot, interesting, or exciting. I am not one of those dudes. Call me old fashioned, but I feel that its just not that great to have a bit of artificial design intentionally etched permanently on one's skin, no matter how good the art might be. Everything about it just screams "tacky". As far as eyebrow tattoos are concerned, am not too sure, but most probably I would say no as well, as it goes against my idealization of "natural beauty".

2) Smoking

Some time ago, I asked a girl I dated if she smoked. She said "No, but will you judge me if I do?" Having had a lot of time to think about it since then , I don't think I'll judge her, but I'll probably keep my distance. Although girls who smoke are not necessarily bad news, being the old fashioned guy that I am (with suspected asthma to boot), smokers won't really make my list..

3) Am-Girls

People who know me know that I have a tendency to be "conyo" because I think the ability to speak English eloquently is quite elegant. That being said, I have no fondness for the so-called Fil-Am girls who are unable to speak stright tagalog. Ok, fine, so I have a mixed ethnicity myself, but at least I have proper command of the language of the place where I am staying.. I have no Illusions of settling down in the land of my ancestors speaking broken bits of Chinese. :P Another important factor to consider here is the upbringing people coming from the States usually have. I know it may seem like stereotyping, but better safe than sorry, right? The impression that those people leave here is not really too favorable..

I guess that's the list for now. I've run out orf steam, and this post is already really late as it is (started 6 months prior to publication)

Alone in the Dark

I'm literally sitting in the dark.. Assisted a pair of GI procedures which automatically ate up half my day.. Seeing as how futile it would be to try and make rounds before assuming my duty post (which unfortunately starts at 12nn), I decided to just f*** that and had my lunch. Now with only a few minutes to spare, i thought it would be nice to have some "alone time" for a change...

Come to think of it, I never really allotted time to myself lately, except for that one Saturday when I was really fed up and decided to go out and watch Pacific Rim (which was totally awesome btw, you should go watch it).

Life getting tiring at a totally different level now.. I hardly ever sleep during duties, and I'm unable to get any stuff done when i get home. Its kinda sad because sometimes I used to be most productive when i'm at home..

I really miss someone, the question is, who should i be missing?.. Am I missing person #1 just because? Or am i missing person.#2 because I feel that she needs to be missed?.. Indeed, these are very confusing times...

Times up, I better head to my post.. Later then...

First Time Ever

It's a really weird feeling, although a pleasant one at that..

I never thought it would be possible, especially not this early,

but I think I've fallen for someone..

This isn't the typical "wow I like this girl, she's nice" benign kind of thing that usually happens to me..

This one is different..

When I saw her, I KNEW that I had to get to know her..

Its inexplicable..

And when I did summon up the courage to approach her, something instantaneously clicked..

We hit it off right away..

I never really felt this way before, even in previous relationships..

That's why I never thought things like this could happen in real life, because it seems like a plot from a cheezy romantic movie or something..

We'll just have to see what happens next..

But for now, its safe to say that I have found a reason to be happy whenever I go on duty for a change.. :D

Moving Along

It has really bern some time since the last entry so I guess its time for an actual sedate addition to keep the spirit of the blog alive.

There have been tremendous upheavals going on in my life these past couple of months, most of which I do not care to elaborate any further as it might not be fair to other parties concerned. However, I'll go as as to say that I'm reluctantly starting a new chapter in my life, a chapter I never thought I would be living.. Its sad that you get used to a certain situation for so long that when something totally unexpected happens, it pulls the rug from under you and you fall really hard. These types of falls are the most difficult ones to recover from, as though you've bern blindsided by life itself and are in no position to brace yourself for the fall since you never really expected it within that short span of time..

I just realized that I'm going around in circles here.. What i really mean to get across here is that yes i have fallen, but now I'm ready to get back up and face the day once again, hopefully which a much better outcome later on. In fact, i think there's something on the horizon right now.. Let's just see what happens..

I should be doing something else right now...

.. but I don't want to just yet..

It's Sunday morning and I'm the ERO for the day. Luckily I'm not obligated to be at the hospital really early, so I'll take this time to prepare a report I have to present on Monday..

It's been a really tiring year so far.. Reportings and ER duties are pretty much a fact of life.. and I'm not really fond of reports, especially now..

I'm also really confused right now.. my personal life is all in shambles as well, with no sense of certainty or security..

I just wish things would be better this time around.. is that too much to ask?..

Traffic Enforcer

Another long overdue post..

Have you ever noticed that whenever you pass through a place with cars at a standstill but is not normally known to have traffic, there is usually a traffic enforcer right smack in the middle of it?

Matbe it's due to bad judgement on the part of the enforcer, heck it's OFTEN due to bad judgement!

But then again, you have to take a look at the job title...

"TRAFFIC ENFORCER"

I guess they're just doing their jobs..

Enforcing the traffic. :P

Burst of Inspiration

Sometimes I surprise even myself..

Didn't go to the hospital today.. Was feeling a little under the weather and needed to take a break from it al..

Though this post will not be the great filler that I had long wanted to write, this will have to do for the meantime.

Things have surprisingly not been going well back at the good old hospital.. While it is true that we have shaken one form of "tyranny" from the seniors long gone, we seem to have encountered a strange new dynamic wherein you have favoritism taken to the extreme. Couple that with relatively poor leadership, and you have yet another winning combination which leads me to wonder what the hell are gonna do the following year, seeiug as the previous batches haven't exactly been "good role models" or shining examples of leadership and seniority that we could try to emulate.. but I guess these are problems that we'll just have to deal with another time..

Ok, so i wasn't able to post the last time..

So now i'm writing a new otne with the hope that I might not forget it the second time around.. I'll still be posting the other one though.

Sneak Attack

Having a little bit of time to myself this morning, I decided to jot down this little missive (thanks to the power of the iPad :P). Things have been really crazy as of late, with various stuff spiralling out of control, but at the same time other aspects have begun to stabilize. It still a confusing whirlwind of comings and goings but we manage to pull through.

A question was put forth before me in the form of a song title a few weeks ago.. Sexy, free, and single? Well, yeah, i guess so.. :P

I tried..

I really need to start writing again..

Lately everything in my life has been such a blur.. I don't know what to make of things anymore..

And now something really big just came up, and I feel that my life is about to spiral out of control..

Nothing makes sense anymore.. I hate to sound so melodramatic, but I presently feel that I no longer have anything to live for..

Regrets abound,and there's nothing I can really do about it..

I'm actually writing this as a warmup to a much bigger thing, the most difficult letter I will probably ever have to write in my entire life..

Exhaustion

Man, I'm tired..

I know I should be out there fighting the good fight and all that crap, but I'm just so tired already.. I feel so worn down..

Second year is really no joke.. It's kinda like a double whammy.. You're already dead tired from working at the ER every duty, but you're also expected to be at your very best during your multiple lectures and conferences..

To top it all off, we didn't even get a Christmas break last year..

This sucks... :(

I really wish I had a whole lot more time to myself, especially do to what I want, like blogging for instance..