Procrastination as a prelude to productivity?

 Yeah, I have something else to do right now.. Typical, huh?

However, I find that doing a bit of creative work like this immediately before doing the more important thing kind of resets my mind for the more arduous task at hand. I have been sitting on this plan to prepare a presentation about my recently concluded paper for a couple of days now, and I just can't seem to get started. It seems that I am having trouble with initiating important tasks, and instead fall into the technology trap of browsing soc-med ad other frequented sites instead. (No, I do not consider Blogger to be a soc-med site. I hardly ever come here except to bridge myself into working shape)

So, now what?

I really didn't have a topic in mind as I began this post, as I find it therapeutic to just sometimes let my stream of consciousness flow.

I now am seriously contemplating the question "What do I get out of blogging in the middle of procrastination?"

Lately I have found myself struggling to find focus. Practicing  a small bit of the mindfulness I mentioned in a previous post, I noticed that when I write creatively, it helps me focus on myself as I type away. I begin to zero in on the keyboard, the letters, the grammar of what I want to say (although not too much, since this is a stream-of-consciousness thing). I was never a touch typist, nor will I ever be because of certain physical limitations, so I tend to look at the keyboard as I type.. Ad now I find looking at the keyboard quite soothing.. It's just me, my thoughts, and this platform on which I will put them up on.

Part of me is tempted to go into another long tirade about the evils of social media and how it affects the modern way we do things, but I don't think that would be appropriate at this time since there are other more pressing matters that demand my attention and effort. I don't have the time or energy for another angry rant. 😅 

Going forward, when everything has been said and done, I have decided to follow a 31-day blogging plan, which I hope would increase my creative output. Hoever, if the topics scheduled may seem too personal, I may just abandon the project altogether. I dunno.. we just have to see what traspires in the coming weeks..

Panic calendar activated!

 Image source here

It it presently a little over two months before I approach another great hurdle, and there's still tons to be done..

Training ended more than a month ago, and I realize that I have been mucking around too much.. 

I will make this brief then. Just a little something to help me get used to typing stuff again and to jumpstart my mind..

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I had this moment of introspection as I was taking a shower a while ago. First, I realized I have not been taking care of myself as well as I should have. A prime example would be putting off bath time just because I wasn't going out. It may not seem like much, but he uncomfortable feeling you get when you haven't cleaned yourself was already weighing on me, and I just didn't realize it yet. I have also been spending way too much time doing a host of mundane things, but these are things that do not add value to myself and instead burns up precious time.. I realize I had been fooling myself that I was accomplishing things, but in reality I was just straying from my goal by procrastinating.

I know that it sounds like such a cliché thing to say nowadays, but I guess I needed to get into a bit of mindfulness to help myself get through whatever this funk is. Looking up the definition, I came across this:

noun

: mindfulness

1. 1.

   the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.

   "their mindfulness of the wider cinematic tradition"
2. 2.

   a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

I guess its a way of meditating? Of pausing and looking into yourself to see and acknowledge what you are feeling, in order to be more comfortable with who you are and what you need to do. It may seem like a lot of psychiatric mumbo-jumbo, but it makes perfect sense.

I now realize that I have been procrastinating all this time because I was afraid. Afraid of failing, of doing poorly, of not finishing my goal.. But this begs the question, why aren't you doing it then?

Depression can sometimes strike without warning. One day you may be "feeling" fine, but the next day you find yourself suddenly crippled with apathy and anhedonia. I read a statement yesterday (don't remember source, sorry) that depression may be a symptom of what lies beneath. For me, the underlying problem is the uncertainty about the future. About how things will play out during the boards, and I have to admit that I'm a bit anxious about resuming practice after having been out of the game for so long..

Now that I have identified the problems and issues though, I find myself strangely refreshed and ready to tackle all these things head-on. I'm gonna wrap up this pesky study and finish all of them bothersome requirements so I can really study in peace, and I have no intention of letting my bad Soc Med habits get out of the way. I have done it before, and I sure a heck will be able to do it again.

That's all for this entry. I still have a paper to write, which I predict that I will successful finish by tonight. Let's do this! 💪

Here we go again..

 Sigh..

 Another month, another spike.. The Delta variant is truly here in the country. Numbers seem to be going up all across the Philippines. Hardest hit are the provinces that are experiencing a really bad surge, similar to what we experienced a few months ago here in the metro.

I had no idea how bad it was getting until I came across this image:

Picture came from a post by the Autoindustriya.com FB page

 This was apparently a shot from the exterior of a tertiary hospital in Cebu, where you can see vehicles lined up outside adjacent to oxygen tanks supplying much-needed O2 support for suffering patients within the vehicles. With hospitals filling to capacity, the patients have little choice but to wait it out in their cars until there would hopefully be a vacancy.

It struck me as a particularly shocking scene because I never imagined that it would come to this on our shores. You see images from India where they faced this grim scenario only a few months before that seemed unreal. 

This is similar to the initial outbreak, but the vaccine is the gamechanger here. According to a news report I read earlier, the PGH is nearing capacity for COVID, with a sizeable chunk of patients who were unvaccinated, and only 2.6(?)% were breakthrough infections of fully vaccinated individuals. Even more striking was the fact that the fully vaccinated only had disease of moderate severity, while those unvaccinated were the ones fighting for their lives as severe cases...

Now we face another lockdown in the metro, with the hope of stemming the tide and letting the vaccinations catch up. Keep safe at home folks! Let's all ride out this storm together. 😷