Mortality and Morbidity

Amidst all the banter here at the office while waiting for the start of the conference, I'm able to sneak in a little time to type an entry..

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During Conference

Luckily the laptop is still open and I'm tucked away at the end of the table so I can keep on typing. Its a duty day again today.. At least I was able to squeeze in a little personal time yesterday before going home. :) I'm really grateful for the time well spent. Its amazing how much you can accomplish when everything is within arms' reach, so to speak. ;)

Gosh, thisis taking quite a while.. I hope OPD won't be too busy today. I'm feeling really sluggish enough as it is, and I still have quite a laundry list of things to do..

My batchmate is inviting me to go out with them tommorrow. Though I'm grateful for the invite, I would very much rather go straight home to my bed to rest. And who know, there might be another oppotunity to have a little private time again. :)

I love sleep. Aside from the obvious benefit of allowing you to rest your aching body, it also affords a brief getaway from everything else, a special time away from all the hustle and bustle of the routine of daily life. :P

Pacquiao? Wag na lang

I don't have much time, so for this entry I will be brief and concise.. and a bit angry as well..

I don't like Manny Pacquiao anymore. He was so much better as a boxing champion and nothing else. The fact that he dabbled in politics, and even had the nerve to enter professional basketball just because of who he was sickens me to the core.. And now he wants to run for a seat in the Senate, Philippine goverment being a big joke by itself already. The sad part is, the stupid voting masses will definitely vote for him just because of his godawful popularity, never mind that he was only present at congress for four days during his entire tenure. He's making a joke out of everything he tries to get himself into. The sad thing about this is that he's acting like everything is all right. I have the greatest respect for the hardworking simple people of this country, but Pacquiao being in the position he's in, should stop being so childish and simple-minded and realize that this is something that he is not meant to do.. Such an arrogant, simple-minded fool! I have said that people deserve the leaders they choose. If everything goes to shit, I don't think I wanna stay here anymore.. since I did not choose that man to lead me.. People may laugh about how adorably stupid he may act, and the masses would embrace him for that because he is "one of them".. Kaya hindi umuusad ang Pilipinas eh.. The people who don't have any idea how to vote correctly are the ones with the greatest voting power just because of sheer numbers. 

Making the most of it..

Wow, my third entry in a day.. This has got to be some kind of record for me.. I guess that's what happens when you're looking for any sort of catharsis to make you feel better about a lot of things that you've kept bottled up for some time..

Hmm.. I've been thinking of writing a book for the longest time. Not a story, because I've tried that but failed miserably given my nature to summarize things. :P Maybe an autobiography of sorts.. I won't be posting anything here, although admittedly some of the content may seem familiar to the readers (?) of this blog. Yeah.. I could make it chapter by chapter, then figure out the chronology when everything is written and done. :D

Solitude

Sunday duties suck, but if there's one consolation, it's the fact that the hospital is more or less empty the entire day, and that means you end up with a relatively quiet hospital.

Other people would be uncomfortable with the silence, I however, tend to bask in it. I even try to make my footsteps as light as possible when walking through the corridors so as not to disturb the beautiful void which pervades the hospital environs..

I understand people completely when they talk about running off to a weekend getaway to the beach or some hillside cabin so as to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city. While the youger set would probably just use these getaways to make more noise such as beach parties in boracay, we of the *sigh* older generation would tend to shy away from all the frivolousness and just find a quiet nook to be alone with out thoughts or cuddle up with someone we love. ;)

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Was able to spend a bit of much-needed quality time with brother over the weekend break, which consisted mostly of NBA 2K sessions, as well as introducing him to a new anime. :D This was capped off with a relatively simple ChickenJoy lunch before we went on our respective activities for the day. We first thought of going out, but were too lazy to really get moving and just opted for delivery. Hehe.

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Ugh, I'm gonna be at the ER again this November.. then again in February, for hopefully the final time.. :P Its no secret that I really loathe the ER.. But I guess these last 20 duties are something I have to go through before I'm really rid of the ER forever.. As second year I may be expected to cover the firsties from time to time, but the fact that you're no longer organic there will be a load off my mind..

Ward calls! Gotta go!

The sad thing about having an awesome day..

..is that the following normal day is guaranteed to suck even more. :( That's the way life balances itself out I guess.. Sigh..This becomes even more pronounced when you are still a doctor in training, following a schedule which required you to regularly go on grueling duties which saps both your energy and happiness.. A sad reality which we have to face day in and day out. I really ca't wait for training to end..

Still, I enjoyed yesterday though, no matter how brief it was.. :)

Running on Fumes

It can't be helped. Every day I go to work still feeling like a pile of crap.. It's sad.. Its as though I'm just trudging through the weekdays just to live for the weekend.. :(

I just want to be done with everything, so that I may finally enjoy some semblance of control over my life.. Schedules and deadlines will never go away, but I will have the luxury of being able to choose which of those I would follow..

I really need to get back to exercising. I have given up on the ideal that I would have as much time for the gym as before, even if I (hopefully) hit my senior year next year. I'm so out of shape (although people say that round is a shape) thanks to the unhealthy duty lifestyle, prophylactic eating, the endless unecessary treats by the pharmas, and the general lack of activity upon reaching home because one has already been drained by the demands of the previous workday.. I should start by doing bodyweght exrcises since these require no other equipment for the most part.:P

I currently find solance in the playlists I presently have in my phone and laptop, especially my anime tracks. :) Never has zoning out while soundtripping been more pleasant. :P Its just sad I can't use my headphones while on duty though, since I might miss and important text or call from the consultant/wards..

Sigh, I just realized my post is ER again for next month.. No matter, 2 more months remaining, then hopefully I will be rid of ER duty for the rest of my life. >.<

Waiting Waiting Lang..

*Late entry

It's approximately 8:30 AM and here I am in the department office awaiting the moderator for my journal report. Man, I feel so tired.. We had to go to the monthly interhospital conference which was unfortunately held in a pharma company's headquarters far away in Paranaque and ended up with me finally reaching home at around 11:30PM due to the lateness of the event and the severe traffic along EDSA.. and to make matters worse, I was from duty yesterday, so imagine how lousy I feel right now..:(

I wish residents and fellows would not have to be compelled to attend such time consuming late-night functions, seeing as they already carry such a heavy workload in the context of their training. Pharma people may think that they are giving the trainess comfort food with a bit of medical education, but in my point of view, they're just contributing to the already unhealthy lifestyle endured by the residents in fellows in training, by asking the to eat really rich food then go home late at night.

Call me a killjoy, but I fail to appreciate treating us to nights out on our birthday, when people would drink and sign videoke, both of which are not really my cup of tea. I admit that I hardly enjoyed the last one I went to, and got home completely drained since I was already from duty (again) that night.. Then again, I'm nottoo much of a night person anyway..

I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I would much rather appreciate being able to go home on time and sleep on my bed. If there was a pharma company who would provide me with free transportation to my home hassle-free, I would gladly support them with no strings attached :P You don't need to feed me or shower me with ballpens and other useless little trinkets. Just get me to my resting place in one piece when I'm dead tired from duty and we'll call it even.

Idle Thoughts While At Hemodialysis

12nn

I normally dislike accompanying patients to dialysis because it just eats up too much time. But I'll make an exception for once since it's still office hours. Being the floater of the month certainly has its advantages hehe. A very different story unfolds when these ambulance conductions occur past 5pm, mainly because you have a designated duty post which you're forced to leave behind and just play catch-up later when you eventually return, usually at some godforsaken hour..

I find myself more and more disillusioned with each passing day, which further strengthens my resolve to finish up so I can finally get my life started when these two years of fellowship are over. Enough is enough, as I have already given the best years of my life to training. Being a well-recognized doctor would be great, but that's not really something I'm aspiring for. I just want to be able to finally live my life according to my own design, while earning enough to make ends meet plus a little something extra for comfort and insurance.. Professional renown and adulation do not interest me. My experiences have showed me that a really busy life is one that is not worth living. An interesting question is whether I would go through all this again if I was given the chance to relive my life.. The answer used to come by so easily, but now I'm forced to think again.. It's really unfotunate that things have to be this way, but I guess the best advice I could give my future kids is to not go into medicine and instead live life to its fullest.. There are so many different ways to help people, and being a doctor is not necessarily the most noble one anyway, is it?

This essay forces me to reflect on a number of things.. Since when have I been this selfless? Its true that I was a bit turned off by someone who once sarcastically asked me if altruism still exists. But then again, that was someone who seemed a bit too off and disconnected from life for my taste. and to tell the truth, she seemed a little too weird.. Sorry, just had to get that out there :P

2pm 

Dang! Times up! The patient is being disconnected from the machine, and we're probably leaving in a few minutes. Still, I'll make the most of the time here by staying seated in this comfy chair until it's really time to move. :P One can never really get enough rest when he/she goes on duties like we do. . I just really want everything to be done and over with. I guess living life for so long under a routine which you have no control over really took its toll on me.. It got a little better when I was in my senior year of residency since I was the one calling the shots, but I was still pretty much tied to the demands of the hospital and department. I mean, I haven't had a vacation in like, forever.. :/

Oops, gotta go!!