Stressed to the nth level

I'm on duty today, as the Senior House Officer, no less. I hate the anxiety that goes with it, and everyone knows that I hate being on duty as SHO.. :( In fact, I would take ward or ICU duty over SHO any day. :/ ER duty? nah, I'll pass.. Well, I hate being on duty in general, and since the end of training is finally near, I feel that it couldn't come soon enough.

I just can't wait until the sun goes down and everyone else goes home. There's a better feeling of calm and control that goes with the twilight..

It was far from my intentions to start off the year with another negative post, but this is my outlet, and I realy, really need to let off some steam.. Now, where do I begin?..

I find it really sad and unfortunate that the department is the way it is a present, and thus I can't wait for the year to end so I can be rid of this place.. The pressures that I feel here are unbearable, and that's just one aspect of the problem..

I got to spend some much-needed quality time with my Other Half yesterday, and it reminded me of the things that really mattered most in life. :) As always, the best dates are those wherein we were able to have long talks about the stuff that matters.

On a side not, a little funny story happened as well. We were just hanging out at an area of the mall overlooking the big chritmass tree at the lobby when a group of schoolkids in uniform, probably grade 4-5, approached us and asked us if we were koreans! :P Before they asked the quesion, I was a little bothered coz they surrounded us and I thought I had to beat them off with a stick lest they were actually little pickpocketing bandits. :P But I guess all they wanted was a selfie with actual koreans. XD

Argh.. Staying here is such a drag.. I actually can't stand being with most ofthe people here anymore. At least the juniors are a little better and seem a bit more fun to be with. :P

I went on a journey yesterday with one of my batchmates to ditribute invitations and posters for our forthcoming postgraduate symposium. We went aound the metro delivering the materials to hospitals mainly in the QC area. We made a stop at a nearby Burger King for lunch and since it was subsidized, I decided to give their most expensive burger a go. :P It was delicious, although I think I would have ben better off eatinga double patty instead of a burger with other types of meat interspersed with it. Yes, there was indeed a cacophony of different flavors, but I'm a burger purist, and this I think the flavor should be rich but not all over the place. :)

We just had another incident which further conviced me that I do not want to stay here any longer than necessary.. :/

I'm tired of all of this.. Of all the callroom drama, the ever-changing curriculum requirements, the shallow interactions..

I can't help but wonder how different things would have been if alittle adjustment here or thre was made earlier on, and right people wound up at the right place..

Sigh.. I can whine and pine all I want forthings to be different, but the fact of the matter is that it won't be. All I can do is adjust to make the most of a sad situation in order to survive and hopefully make it through unscathed..

Hmm.. now its 6pm.. things have quieted down a bit already..I hope this lasts the night..

2017 "YearStarter"

I'll admit that I was a bit lazy to write my annual yearender blogpost last night, so I decided on a compromise, to make a post on the first day of the new year. :)

As usual, Christmas has come and gone, and in this instance, the New Year celebration as well. So, here I am holed up in the hospital for the first duty of 2017, and I hope this will be a quiet one so as to not interrupt my annual retrospective..

This year has really been a struggle for me, and I bet for a great number of you as well since this has been a very difficult year all around.. My umpteenth "Senior Year" found me finding solace in the fact that I no longer had to man the Emergency Room, but I was now straddled (once again) with the responsibilities of being the highest official in charge (especially during night duties). With this, I am forever grateful for my formative years back at the old hospital where gutsiness and confidence were bred into our systems, by force if need be, due to the overwhelming demands of a government institution. Having said this, the "senior's load" was surprisingly still quite heavy, and I'm not just talking about the responsibilities of being senior to a group of newbies to the trade, but the task list seemed to grow heavier as well..

I was grateful though for the opportunity to head out-of-town due to a midyear convention, but boy did it come at a price! Being a contestant for an inter-institution debate is no joke! While all my compatriots were lounging around and resting, I was busy burning the midnight oil even up until the night before the event! :P Apart from that, the little challenges that came my way seemed to all stack up on a regular basis. I have had barely enough time to catch my breath and get my bearings when I had to move on to another equally challenging time-limited objective. And given my penchant for both procrastination and being OC once I got started on my work, this combination proved to be very deadly indeed. :(

Having said all that, I really enjoyed my stay out-of-town, and will definitely return with loved ones in the future :D

This year was not all about toxicity though.. This is also a year where I began seriously contemplating how it would be like if our family finally got our very own car. Granted we are working with a relatively small budget, but there are numerous offerings out there, and the priciest may not always be the best choice. ;) Steps have been taking, and we have been reading up on a lot of stuff as well, but we admittedly have a long way to go.. but at least we got the ball rolling, right? :)

This year I was also able to meet up with my Other Half's friends, and she was able to join me and the guys on a couple of BNOs as well. Things seem to be going quite smoothly, and I pray that this continues in the years that follow. :D

I guess the theme this year for me was exploring the limits of, and going beyond my comfort zone.. I guess it's also a part of growing up (?) but one cannot ignore the fact that there is someone else that helped me overcome these barriers and continues to inspire me to be brave to this very day. ;)

I guess I could say that I really grew more this past year, both in knowledge and experience as a doctor, as well as in love and wisdom as a person.. Even though it has been a bumpy ride, I am grateful for the year that was, and I face this new year with nervous anticipation for a brand new start! :)

A few resolutions would also have to be in order, since this technically still is a yearender post. The resolutions would be as follows:

- Spend less time (close to none if possible) on Facebook. It's a great time sink, and it stealthily consumes more time than you would expect, giving you little in return.

- Less time online (including game time) and more time interacting with the real world. This one is a no-brainer, and deleting applications is a priority

- Live and love more. As I will be set free from the constraints of the training schedule, I can finally try to live life the way i was meant to be lived.

- Travel? (As budget allows though)

- Blog more. I know it seems to go against the principle of the second one, I can still create these intellectual exercises offline and just jump in to post for a few moments.

- Be a better brother. Not just to brother dear, but to the BNO bros as well

- Be a better son. (duh!)

- Make time for the Big Man Upstairs. Its been a long while, we seriously need to catch up..

- One last exam. I know it will still be a year from now, but fortune favors those who are prepared.

There, that should do it for now! I have now made it a goal to put up a post at least once a month so the blog doesn't grow stale. :D

A long, long while...

It feels like it has been ages since I last posted something worthwhile, with the last I recall being a blurb I got out while in the midst of my much-enjoyed Sleep Medicine rotation (which I unfortunately was unable to maximize because f all the concomitant paperwork and presentations that happened during the given time span. Its a Sunday duty, and I resolved to make the most of it while the lull lasts..

A lot of stuff has been happening both in my life, as well as in the world at large, and I shall attempt to cover these things through a forthcoming blogspam..

 Nah.. I'll just put everything into one giant hodgepodge post and let you guys sort things out for yourselves. :P

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THE BALL PIT

I recently went with my Other Half to check out the Ball Pit Manila, which happens to be situated in Makati very near MMC.. weird.. :P People that know me well know for a fact that I tend to avaoid Makati like the plague due to horror stories of getting lost and getting caught for weird traffic violations due to unclear or hidden traffic signs, or basically a puzzling road network with unforgiving and corrupt traffic officials manning the streets who would pounce on you at every opportunity, taking advantage of the fact that you are lost and uncomfortable.

My fears were allayed by the fact that I had the guidance of Waze to help me through the ordeal. An additional motivation was the fact that this was actually a Girls' Night Out (GNO?) for thm, and I had just been invited to tag along. Not wanting to be a spoilsport, and having excused myself from a previous meeting already before, I decided that I needed to go with the flow on this one, and go out of my comfort zone for someone else, and actually meet new people for a change.. (what a run-on sentence.. :P)

Needless to say, it was truly a unique experience, and a very relaxing one at that.. As a kid, I shied away from these ball pits since I kinda disliked all the running and shouting that go with these playgrounds. Now that I'm older though, there was a strange calming effect of lying in a pit filled with white PVC balls and stumbling through the entire shifting mess.. It lasted for only an hour, but the fun memories from that place are gonna last a while..

We had dinner at Kanin Club at the Ayala Triangle shortly thereafter. There wasn't really anything significant to write home about since I had been to Kanin Club with my family before, but the company was different, and I could say that I was glad to have gone out and tried something new for a change..

After we parted ways with her friends, we began our long and anxiety-filled trek back to the car, and eventually getting home safe and sound via Gil Puyat and EDSA.. As weird as this may sound fro a fully grown adult, I guess I became a bit braver that day, and it seems that I had shown myself that I was capable of overcoming yet another psychological hurdle to my development as a person. :)

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B-DAY 2016

A few weeks back, I finally used one of my leave credits to take time off and celebrate my birthday after so many years of just going with the flow of the hospital schedule regardless of the occasion. It felt so liberating to be able to wake up on our day and know that you won't have to go to work since you had already arranged for the day off yourself.. #GiftToSelf :P

As my luck would have it, my scheduled break coincided with an unexpected rest day for her as well! So needless to say, we were able to spend the better part of the day together. Adding to my joy was the fact that her parents were cool with the idea of us going out in the middle of the workweek since it was my day after all.. :D

All in wall, it was a very memorable day, and I am deeply grateful to have had the chance to experience something like that, although it was just a simple day away from the hospital. :)

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KINGSGLAIVE FINAL FANTASY XV

Before I forget, I watched Kungslaive, and it was AWESOME!!!! :D

About love...

This topic has been pretty much taboo on this blog for the longest time already, what with everything that has transpired in the past years.. But now I guess I'm ready to take that brave step, and make a revelation to the world...

Some of my more sharper readers may have picked out my mentioning of my Other Half in certain entries, but I never really went into much detail about her, and I guess I still won't, since I don't really make things too public here.. Or anywhere else on the internet for that matter.

Anyway, my Other Half used to represent an ideal. A lofty idea or concept if you will, about a woman who would totally get me inside-out from the get-go because she, by some force of magic unbeknownst to man, would essentially be my clone, except that she would be a girl. The "female me" in a matter of speaking.

Best Friend and I had this conversation when we were younger when I asked him what girl would be right for me.. He gave such a specific answer that I never forgot to conversation. He told me "You'd probably want someone like you, except that she'd be a girl".

Eerily enough, a woman came into my life some time ago who matched the description PERFECTLY.. Getting to know her flowed seamlessly, as she immediately got what I liked and vice versa.. We never had trouble deciding on things together because we actually even thought alike in a majority (if not all) situations.. It was so uncanny.. Weird even..

The attraction followed naturally, since she was quite the pretty lady herself, and she thinks I'm quite the stud (Haha!). After that awkward initial first meeting which found us both struggling to keep our composure around each other, we finally began to settle into a comfortable routine that even long-time lovers aspire to have.

It also helped that I got to know her folks and get on their good side early on, as she got to meet my parents as well and left a good impression. I had no idea that being in a relationship could be this fun or effortless.. There's no point in keeping secrets since we can be totally open to one another without any need for second-guessing the other's reaction. We're both free to speak our minds, not in a superficial "Its ok, juat tell me" kind of way, but a "I trust you well enough that you won't freak out at this" kind of way.. Then there was that car accident and the run-in with the traffic police.  It was such a grueling experience but she never left my side even though I had already sent her home (since she lived nearby from where we had the accident). She actually even came back for me! It was like a scene from a movie or something! I wanted to cry on the spot but I was too busy listening to the cops to do so :P eventually everything ended well, and we had a hell of a story to tell when we got back! XD

I thought that getting involved with someone so similar would be boring and get old really fast, but boy was I ever wrong! Being similar means that you both enjoy the same things, and you don't have to force each other to sit through stuff while only one of you enjoys what he or she is doing. Those little differences with regards to what guys and girls like become negligible and instantaneously forgivable, since you still have so much in common to like and get along with. 

Needless o say, I'm quite pleased with the way things are right now, and I expect things to remain this way for a long time to come.. :) after all, so does she.. ;)

2015 Yearender

Wow, I'm actually making a yearender post ON TIME! :P

This has been a great year, with its own ups and downs, all of which made they year so much more unique. :D

It has been a year of tremendous change for me, starting with my graduation from Internal Medicine, to passing the PSBIM, to starting first year anew as a fellow in subspecialty training. :)

Of course, there's also the small matter of finally finding my Other Half, which may have drastically changed my life forever. ;)

This has also been a year of loss, with an uncle passing away recently after a prolonged battle with cancer..

Before the post goes all over the place, I'd like to break everything down into little bite-sized chunks as I am apt to do...

- Fist of all, many thanks to the Great One upstairs who has always been there for me, my family, my friends, and pretty much everyone else in this world. We have to remember that it is only through Him and His holy will that everything  that is has come to pass.

- A big thank you to my wonderful folks and bro who were always there for me regardless of how stuff went. Thank you for putting up with me, being the rascal hat I am. :P I love you! :D

- I would also have to give thanks to my new mentors who teach us fellows day in and day out the nuances of the subspecialty we chose to pursue. Thank you for all the patience you show, and all the learnings we get from you.

- Also worthy of being mentioned here are my former bosses from the old hospital whom I see from time to time when they make their rounds. Its always nice to see a friendly face, or hear a friendly voice through the phone. :)

- Thank you to my new co-fellows at the hospital. We've had about less than a year to get to know each other, and the seniors are graduating in 3 months. Thank you for all that I've learned from all of you, whether it be senior or batchmate. For my batchmates, let's make our final year a memorable one! Good luck everyone!

- Special mention goes to our Chief Fellow. Thank you boss, for making us feel at home and comfortable in the new and sometimes daunting environment of a national specialty hospital. You've always acted so kindly towards us, and acts as a protective big brother who takes care of everyone. Good luck with your exams boss! Kayang-kaya mo yan!

- Thank you to the nursing and support staff at the new hospital. Thank you for making us feel welcome and for embracing us as a part of the family.  We doctors would not be able to do the things we do if you were not there beside us, accompanying us along the way

- To our patients, especially those in the service ward or OPD. Thank you for entrusting yourselves to our care. We learn much from you as we treat you and monitor your progress day by day. It warms my heart when we are able to send you home safe and sound, but we are also saddened for those who are unable to make it.

- Lastly, to my precious Other Half.. We've come such a long way already from our humble beginnings, and look where we stand now.. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would actually meet someone like you.. Yeah, in the past, to me you were just a concept, an abstract ideal which I thought would never come to pass.. But now here you are.. someone who gets me from even a very fundamental level.. :) Thank you for everything, and I'm looking forward to more great things to come :D