Feels a little different..

It's now the penultimate month before the end of my term as a medical resident. As things begin to wind down, the last-minute "pahabol" work seems to wind up even more as we scramble to finish the necessary requirements for promotion and graduation.

An all-too-familiar feeling pervades the atmosphere at the office, with the residents wheeling and dealing with their in-out schedules and planning for the Christmas party where we have the "initiation" performance of the incoming first year MRODs, as well as the sendoff for the outgoing seniors.

It feels a little different this time around because, after 3 long and tiring years, it is now OUR turn to be sent off back into the world, to either pursue further training in our chosen subspecialty, or to carve out a name for ourselves as we begin our private practice as a general internist. Of course, this must be taken with a grain of salt, as the beginning of success depends on our performance in the forsthcoming PSBIM examinations, which fortunately for us, has ben moved a couple of months from January to March. This would hopefully provide us seniors with ample (?) time to hit the books and study our brains out in a last desperate attempt to prove that we actually learned something from 3 years of "service" interspersed with training.

Three years... Has it been that long already?.. I know this is already a cliche, but it seems only yesterday when I got word from TMC Neuro that I was not accepted as a part of their staff.. It was a major gamble that I had lost big time, when I opted to turn my back on a reputable school-based Neurology program due to personal reasons and tried my luck closer to home at TMC.. My luck finally ran out, and I was drifting aimlessly about, wallowing in self-pity.. I really thought that was it, that I had no more future since I had already squandered a pair of perfectly good chances in well-established programs that had already accepted me as one of their own..

Fast forward a couple of week, and here I was at the doors of the hospital, making a last-ditch attempt to salvage what had seemed like a promising medical career when I had first graduated. They say that beggars can't be choosers, so I grudgingly took what was given to me, knowing that I had blown what could have been a lifelong dream come true.. Little did I know that third time was the charm, and that I would finally find a home as part of an Internal Medicine program of a little known local government hospital. :)

I shall forgo the telling of my evolution as a resident here since that is a long-winded story for another time.

Relatively Happy

Just saw her a while ago, briefly, but I'll take it.

I guess I can go to sleep now.. :)

But I won't, because of stuff to do.

Still, working hard with a smile is better than without. ;)

Duty Post

It's 8:19 PM, and I'm STARVING... :(

On duty again at the hospital. I'm sitting here typing away since I have a bit of downtime in the midst of making a research presentation from scratch to be presented in 2 days' time.. Sometimes the ridiculousness of the situations I often find myself in just boggles the mind.

I had the pleasure of enjoying a Sunday off yesterday. It was a day well-spent with the family. Just a simple lunch out at someplace different, with a bit of retail therapy at the end of the day.

After mass, we had a chat with one of the community elders who knew me and my folks since I was a small kid. She was an Obstetrician by training, but never really got to practice her profession since her husband was well-off enough for her to just be a woman of the house (well, at least, that's as far as I remember..) She's still surprisingly sharp for and aged auntie though. :P

After the usual exchange of pleasantries that go with not having seen someone for quite some time, she shifted to that oh-so-familiar topic that single people of my age dread.. Surprisingly, she wasn't really pushing me to go out with anyone or set me up with this or that girl, In fact, she told me to just hold off for the meantime, since everything would just flow naturally given the facts that I'm a guy, and that I'm a physician as well. She said that I should just bide my time and not be in any rush to get married anytime soon. That conversation was a welcome respite as compared to all those conversations with all those other well-meaning mothers who just can't seem to keep away from the role of playing matchmaker. :P

This got me thinking though.. I definitely am not getting any younger. The only meaningful relationship I once had which lasted around 9 years is in shambles, and it kind of left me hesitant to try again.. Sure, there was this one girl, but that didn't really work out that well now, did it?

I don't know if I now find myself in a state of relationship phobia, My buddies are always excited to introduce all these girls to me (partly because they want to live vicariously through me since they're all married already), but I tend to brush off the opportunities because "it doesn't feel right".. :(

Quick Hits

I rarely have time to myself these days, and today is no exception.

I still feel the need to write though, so here goes..

• Kudos to the NU Bulldogs for finally taking home the UAAP Men's Basketball crown after 60 years!

• Pacquiao is now playing in the PBA as a "playing coach" for his own team??? Is nothing sacred anymore?.. :(

• Is it just me, or are those UV Express drivers really just assholes? Especially those who drive vans along the North Avenue area..

• Too bad Gilas never made it past the Elims in the FIBA Worlds, and didn't take home the crown in the Asian Games. However, they were able to get people to start believing again, and that's the more important thing..

• I finally got that weight bench I've had my eye on for the past year or so. :) Thanks for the great discount!

• Saw a great piece of Audio by Bose. Expensive though, but the sound quality is just superb..

• Its almost November.. I can't believe that the three years are almost over...

• The RITE Exams have come and gone.. leaving me more anxious for the actual exams this coming March..

• My friends say that I should just let go, and move on.. Easier said than done...

There, a few quick hits for the night!

Tambakan

Uso na pala ang tambakan ngayon..

I just recently watched a replay of the World Cup semifinal match between hometown favorite Brazil going up against the ruthlessly efficient German team. According to the match report I read, it was a total rout, with Brazil bowing out of the tournament in the worst possible way, losing 1-7. This left the Brazilian home crowd anguished and in tears. Brazil is a football-crazy nation, and their projected chance of winning the cup this year was really good, so this was an epic letdown for them.

Anyway, since I knew what to expect, I just watched to see how Germany pulled it off, or  how Brazil let it slip away..

It was a massacre.. 5 goals in 26 minutes of play? Seriously? Man... :(

People who know me well know that I'm not really a big football man, but I felt really bad when I watched that.. It seemed so surreal.. In fact, I guess it was the most downright depressing thing I have ever witnessed in sports.. :(

UAAP Season 77 is finally underway, and the opening matches were, uh, somewhat disappointing.. 3 out of the four opening games were total blowouts.. I thought this was going to be a competitive year, with almost all the teams on equal footing? And UST lost badly as well.. Hay naku..

In other sports news unrelated to blowouts, the NBA player movement has begun. This year's crop of free agents appears very deep, which includes Miami's Big Three, and Carmelo Anthony. The biggest news I was able to get a hold of thus far is that LeBron James will now be coming home to the Cleveland Cavaliers. This has the shapings of a great team in the years to come, with James returning home to a team being built around last year's first pick Kyrie Irving.

Changes

Before I get started, I would like to share an interesting comment I saw on an article I was reading..

"... Filipinos indeed have this unspoken social protocol of "not allowing others to get ahead". Consider the reverse custom among Filipinos when it comes to celebrating one's birthday. In other countries, your friends throw a party for you (should you be "party worthy" that is), all expenses on them and not on you. They celebrate you being their friend, not as benefactor. In the Philippines, whether to celebrate your birthday or a job promotion, the protocol is "mag-pa-blow-out ka". It's ostensibly done to "share the wealth", but if that were true, then why would people feel resentful if you don't treat "them" during "your" day of celebration? In the process of spending for that blow-out, whatever financial gains you might have had from your job promotion is negated..."

This pretty much sums up one of the things that has been bothering me lately..

I have never been a fan of mooching on other people, and I'm disgusted by those who do... Oh well..


This post is entitled "Changes" for good reason..

It's now the halfway mark of our senior year at the hospital, and as such, our chairman decided that it would be befitting to make some changes to the leadership of the department.

They say that the position of Chief Resident usually winds up to those who want it the least.. I guess I must have disliked it too hard then.. :(

Now saddled with the overwhelming responsibility of leading the department through the rest of the year, I find myself even more exhausted and drained.. A far cry from the relative freedom I enjoyed when Kirk was still the head honcho..

Add the fact that I seemingly have a bunch of insubordinate juniors who are good for the happy times but evaporate when actual stuff needs to be done, and this makes a great recipe for the resumption of the "Anger Games".. :(

It's really frustrating when you look around you and find that you can get minimal to no support from the people, which I find kind of unfair..

Not to sound very prideful or anything, but during the first half of the year, the chief had no problems because I always had his back, went to the hospital on time, and carried the leadership role when he could not be around.

Now, when I find myself stuck in a jam, I find myself standing alone. My supposedly assistant chief nowhere to be found (chronic tardiness syndrome. Guess who won't be getting any referrals from me when we graduate), and the rest of my batchmates too preoccupied to care...

It all boils down to lack of support.. It's sad to say, but I don't think I can rely on anyone to really help me out as I finish the year.. Which means that my chances of passing the boards has become slimmer than ever.. :(

Why did it have to be this way? Why was the department unable to attract solid reliable residents during my batch who could ensure a stable foundation?

I'm sorry, but I really just need to repeat this.. One of my pet peeves is tardiness, and it really makes me mad when someone we need to rely on ALWAYS comes in 2-3 hours late!! This person "tries" to make up for it by staying extra hours as a form of "pakitang tao"  which is not right at all. This person has shown no remorse for these actions and in reality has gotten worse over the years. Its just so freaking unfair! In my opinion, had we not suffered from a lack of residents, this person would have been removed from the roster a long time ago already.. This latecomer has no respect for the time of others, and probably lives with a distorted view of life wherein everyone is against him/her and that he/she is always the victim. In reality, this person makes very poor choices and lacks even the basic self discipline to get up early in the morning in order to help out everyone else to do their work ON TIME. On top of being a habitual latecomer, this person is also a well-practiced habitual liar, who honed this particular skill through the need of lying through ones teeth to make up for the tardiness.

It's really so remarkable that this person has been able to stay in the department for so long. Had this been a different institution, things would have had a much different outcome and this person would never even have finished first year, as with other individuals in the group that I would not care to mention anymore..

So there we go, another rant because of another person with poor insight who makes other people angry. Is it on purpose or not? I couldn't care less. My patience is running thin, and I'm not one to cover the rottenness of other people, especially if I'm the one aggrieved.
Saddled Filipinos indeed have this unspoken social protocol of "not allowing others to get ahead". Consider the reverse custom among Filipinos when it comes to celebrating one's birthday. In other countries, your friends throw a party for you (should you be "party worthy" that is), all expenses on them and not on you. They celebrate you being their friend, not as benefactor. In the Philippines, whether to celebrate your birthday or a job promotion, the protocol is "mag-pa-blow-out ka". It's ostensibly done to "share the wealth", but if that were true, then why would people feel resentful if you don't treat "them" during "your" day of celebration? In the process of spending for that blow-out, whatever financial gains you might have had from your job promotion is negated. That is one custom I am glad to not partake in.

A long long while..

*post was written a couple of weeks ago when I had the time to write, but no access to the web. So sad..

Ugh, internet is down at home, so I'm writing this entry with the hope of putting it up tomorrow before I begin work again in the hospital..

Since 2 months is really a long time to try and play catch up with a single blog entry, I'll try to avoid that entirely, thus making this entry another hodgepodge of various topics (both current and old) which I may have been too lazy to put down when I had my chances.

On the NBA Finals...

Today was the final game of the 2014 NBA Finals, where the San Antonio Spurs defeated the Miami Heat in a dominant fashion on their home floor 4 games to 1 in a best of seven series. Using their tried and tested team chemistry and their experience, the Spurs manhandled the Heat in retribution for their Finals loss one year ago. About a week ago, I chance upon a video floating around the internet which was a tribute to the Spurs and their firm adherence to the concept of "team" basketball. The video highlighted their dynamic team effort and their flawless execution. I was in awe of their incredible passing, never hesitant to make the extra pass to someone who was more open, superstar or not.

After this bitter defeat, I have read rumors stating that the Heat might get Carmelo Anthony as an addition to their already potent arsenal. A tall order if you ask me, since their much-vaunted "Big 3", along with other key role players, will become free agents come season's end. It gets tricky since you get very little wiggle room in terms of salary cap space if you wish to retain the Big 3 and add Melo to the mix. I'm not really a fan of manufactured teams which are engineered to win the season from day 1, and prefer those that matured over time to become contenders who truly deserved a championship. Some people would point out to me that the Big Three of Garnett-Pierce-Allen was a manufactured team, but consider this.. Allen and Garnett are players who at that time were already considered to be past their prime.. They were brought in to provide veteran support to the frustrated Paul Pierce in order to help win a championship. I guess nobody would dare say that the current Miami Big Three are already going over the hill, so there's really a big difference if we look at it that way..

I find myself rooting for the underdog in most instances, especially for those guys who have worked hard in the league for years but are still unable to get that one elusive ring.. I really feel for Barkley, Ewing, and Reggie Miller, three legends of the game who were unfortunate enough to be around during the time that there was a dynasty going on someplace else (Jordan, Olajuwon, etc) and were thus denied championships..

On introspection...

I found myself thinking a lot in the car lately as I drive to and from work. I used to be irritated by the dull silence of the car and would often bring a small radio along so I could play my audio of choice to get me pumped while I drove (since the original radio of the car was destroyed when tropical storm "Ondoy" came to town a few years back). People who really know me know that I have this strange habit of talking to myself. No, this is not crazy talk. It helps me pick my brain and allows me to take a look at things from a different point of view.. Its kind of like having a conversation with my own thoughts..if that were actually possible..

What was I ab;e to get from all of that? Well, I guess you could say that it has led to self improvement a number of times, with things often turning out much better than expected in their own little ways..

*the entry ends here, because I think sleep caught up with me. :D

Sick and tired of being angry..

Image source here

A quick look back at my blog reveals one prevailing theme.. I'm often really pissed at something or someone...

Although I may have found this therapeutic at times, I begin to wonder if this is no longer healthy for myself, my work, and the people around me.. [Not to mention my (limited) blog readership, who probably think by now that I'm a raving psycopath in person.] :(

I guess you could say that I've decided to turn over a new leaf.. I'll try to avoid all the focused anger and negativity that we already have enough of in the world today.. It's pretty sad when you think about it.  Life seemed a lot simpler and happier when one is younger. Problems were a lot easier to deal with, and relationships were a lot less complex.

But life goes on, as they say, and time waits for no one. As you get older, tasks get harder, and people become more difficult to deal with,

The idea of permanence suddenly becomes a farfetched notion as one realizes that nothing will ever remain static and that the only constant thing is change.

You've just been toasted!!

image source here

Several days ago, my good friend Emer got married, and I was once again given the honor of being best man, which meant that I had to give yet another speech! (Gee, thanks a lot dude!) :P

Luckily, I'm no stranger to the task, having put together a wedding toast once before for Regan and Shiela's wedding.

This toast may seem a bit similar to the original since I followed the same format and only made it A FEW HOURS before the wedding. :P

I knew posting the speech online would come in handy if ever I needed to make a toast again! Hehehe!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Good evening everyone. On Mimi and Emer’s behalf, I would like to thank you for coming together to celebrate this special event with them. My name is Brian, and as one of Emerson’s closest friends, I have been given the special honor of speaking before you here today as the Best Man.

Before anything else, I would also like to thank the parents of the bride and groom for their generosity, to everybody who tirelessly worked to make all of this possible, to Mimi for generously taking my friend off our hands :P, and to Emer, for once again validating that among the guys, I am the best man! :P

No wedding toast would be complete without a peek back into the groom’s life when he was younger. Emerson has been my classmate in Xavier from the 1st to the 7th grade. During that span of time, we became very good friends as we put together a barkada of sorts that still congregates to this very day on our occasional Boys’ Night Out. As I can recall, Emer was always the clown of our group when we were kids. 
His pleasant demeanor and well-timed jokes often turned sour situations into barrels of laughter. He was a friend with whom you could talk to about basically everything under the sun, from cartoons to rubber shoes, to even secrets and insecurities

Family and loyalty were also his strong points, being a dutiful and loving son to his parents, a caring and protective ahia to his sisters, and an extremely reliable buddy to his peers. These character traits show you what kind of person he really is. Eventually, we grew up and went our separate ways in college and beyond, but have remained in close contact through the years, with the boys getting together whenever Emer was in town.

When Emerson told us that he was getting married, we naturally wanted to meet this woman of his dreams whom he has fallen head over heels for. I remember that night when the group was introduced to Mimi. She struck me as a very sincere and kindhearted lady with a wonderful sense of humor, who just seemed to “click” with Emer. We knew right then and there that they were perfect for each other. Fast forward a few months, and here we are..

Still, I’m not one to give any advice on marriage, now being the lone bachelor of the group :(, but I’ll reinterate what I may have said once before, that “any relationship, especially a marriage, is all about sacrifices and learning. It won't always be fun and games, but as long as you're willing to compromise for each other and take time to talk and figure each other out, you'll never go wrong.”

With that, I would like to invite everyone to stand up and join me in raising their glasses as we toast the newlyweds. To Emer and Mimi, I wish you guys all the best in a long and happy marriage, and may you have the grandest time of your lives while you’re at it! Cheers! :D

Seniorhood blues

4 months? Really? Man, 4 months is a long time to stagnate on a blog,

It's the tail-end of February, and I'm now knee-deep in my senior year as an IM resident at the hospital. The comic book saying "With Great Power comes Great Responsibility" is painfully evident as my batchmates and I have learned to embrace the jobs (and perks) of being the ones on top.

The transition period went by so fast.. One moment I was teaching the incoming sophomores how to efficiently man the ER, the next thing I knew, I was the highest ranking IM resident on duty during those sleepless toxic nights when I was already manning the ICU full-time.

The jump from second to third year was more difficult than I had imagined, although the transition from first to second (especially during OUR time) was one for the books. Due to the lack of manpower of our batch, taking on "senior responsibilities" proved more challenging than it is on paper. Good thing the juniors were up to the task of taking the reins.. Well, most of them anyway..

We find ourselves stuck with our not-so-favorite cow, a 43-year old morbidly obese and totally unhealthy case of severe sleep apnea and narcolepsy who is just too stubborn to quit but is also too hardheaded to be taught anything useful. Oh, and he's pretty bossy too, despite his juniors and batchmates being WAY ahead of him in terms of work standards, work ethic, and general fund of knowledge. He claims to wish to emulate his reknowed mother who happens to be a well-respected endocrinologist and thus shows great enthusiasm (?) for endocrinology and little else. I've got news for you, fat boy. Before your momma became the great Endo that she probably is (I have no idea who his mom is), she first had to make the cut as a competent internist!

Removing him will prove to be very difficult due to the circumstances of his entering our program, as he was ushered in by the powers-that-be. (There are times that I hate being a part of a political hospital). Last time I checked, he would flat-out be denied entry into any other normal reputable training program, as he is clearly not fit to undergo the rigors of Internal Medicine residency, in a toxic public hospital to boot! Ever since first year, he's been screwing up time after time. His tendency to fall asleep anywhere non-withstanding, he also already has a family and thus his priorities are a bit skewed.. He's unwilling to put in the extra time at the hospital to get stuff done because of various family excuses. He knew what he was getting into as an overaged resident with learning issues, and yet he expects special treatment. He's unwilling to make sacrifices for the greater good because he is too selfish  to care (or his brain is too hypoxic to comprehend). His screwups have resulted in forcing the chaiman to create new boneheaded policies which makes everybody else miserable. To top it all off, he thinks he's doing a great job!! Oh my goodness, such poor insight... No wonder our department is a laughing stock.. :(

I just hope this will not happen again (the acceptance of clear-cut incompetents), and that he won't mess things up by foolishly attempting to take the board exams immediately after graduation which he CLEARLY will have no hope of passing, as he will just mess up the passing rate of the department as a whole.

I initially planned to write this piece as a means to take stock of what happened in between, but wound up making another rant.. It just leaves you really drained sometimes..