Pet Peeves

 After a pair of failed attempts to try and squeeze a yearender blog out of my brain, I just decided to scrap the entire thing and just go with more of a stream of consciousness thing.

But yeah, I did skip more than a year of blogging, and to tell you quite frankly, I did miss it. :P

Anyways, this one is about pet peeves, mainly the things I have unfortunately seen on the net, and this will be a short list since I'm not really in any shape for long-form writing right now. So here we go..

- I dislike reading things where people write "y'all" all the time, even if they are presumably not American. This goes double for those grown, fully educated people who start off their discussions with this, thereby showing off their inner hillbilly. Whatever happened to proper language? You can call me a grammar nazi all you want, but that won't change the fact that you are either too lazy to write properly, or too stupid to care.

- Equally annoying are those people (presumably children) who comment "i'm wheezing". I mean, really? 🙄 Because if you are, its either you go grab your nebulizer or bring your ass to the ER. As a lung doc, I take wheezing very seriously, and some patients live in total dread of it. So stop making light of a potentially important symptom and learn to react properly to those dumb videos you are watching.

- Short form vids are temporarily, amusing, but when you take a step back and think about it, these are just absolute wastes of time, especially those that show randos doing stupid dances that nobody really cares about (apart from other similarly inclined randos who have nothing better to do with their lives). The focus today on generating content for just the views, likes, and subscriptions have ruined Youtube. Instead of a great repository of interesting discussions, in=depth investigations, or well-made entertainment, it has become just a total dump of random pathetic people putting in anything and everything just to glue your eyeballs to the screen. You still get the serious content, but sometimes these get lost amidst all the trash. The sad thing is that this is here to stay, since the conceited nature of humans makes it impossible to wean people off the desire for attention.

- Comments sections in general. I miss the days when skimming through the comments section exposes a person to lively civil discussions. Now it is dominated by bots, spammers, and trashy individuals (mostly children who don't know better and probably never will). The anonymity of the web has emboldened cowardly assholes with worthless and oftentimes misleading opinions. I wonder how many of these individuals would actually have the guts to say what they wrote in an actual face-to-face conversation. (So yeah, I don't read random comments sections now)

- There are way too many vlogs made by way too many untalented people with nothing good to say or have zero skills in putting their ideas forward. These people are just obviously in it for the money and should not be rewarded for their pathetic attempts at content creation.

Wow, that got very real very quick. I guess I had so much pent up frustrations that I needed to air out.

This felt great, I should do a part two another time.

 

Olympic Moment, and a lot of rage (as usual 😅)

 Lemme change things up for a second as I take a break from not doing my case report. 😅

😜😜😜

 Anyone here in the Philippines who is not living under a rock would probably know of the amazing feat that the local weightlifting fairy Hidilyn Diaz was able to accomplish.

Yup, I'd say it's hella difficult to miss posts like these on your feed.

I am no stranger to getting swept up in national pride, and for the first time in so long, I genuinely felt it again. This woman has gone through so much, and trained so hard to get to where she is now, and she really did it for flag and country! Watching her cry at top of the podium while singing the national anthem as Lupang Hinirang played for all the world to hear, gave me goosebumps as I felt an entire plethora of unexpected emotions.. 

I shall never forget this image, and will tell stories of it to my future children.. (Image source here)

The fact that she was praising and thanking God in the middle of it all was so touching and inspiring (Image source here)

To paraphrase and add to what a friend said earlier, she has lifted the country on her shoulders out of the depths of fear and uncertainty, even for a brief moment, to remind us of who we are and what we should stand for. It is just unfortunate that all this happened under the shadow of the pandemic, but that does not diminish her achievement at all. She bested powerhouse China, of all nations, to win the first ever Olympic gold medal for the Philippines.

Looks like Team China wasn't too happy about being beaten at their own game by the country they have been bullying, eh? #SorryNotSorry (Image source here)

I have to admit that I wasn't really an avid fan of Philippine Olympic participation the past years. My earliest memory of interest in the Olympics was when Masueto "Onyok" Velasco Jr. won silver in the 48kg boxing category during the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. Sadly, Onyok terminated his olympic campaign to capitalize on his popularity by acting as a comedian in local sitcoms. The unfortunate story can be read here.

The first Pinoy Olympic hero I was exposed to (Image source here)

Be that as it may, Onyok, like all the other national athletes representing or who have represented the Philippines, also primarily fought for flag and country. Hidilyn's victory made me do some introspection, and has led me to regret supporting another boxer a few years back.

No, I won't be posting a picture of him here, as I do not wish to waste any effort on him, and neither will I mention him by name, because this post is to honor the real sports heroes of the country.

I realized that said boxer was nothing more than just a paid mercenary, fighting not for flag, but for the purse. Filipinos, by nature, gravitated toward him and saw him as a champion of the people. We deluded ourselves that his fights were fights for the country, but that was nowhere near the truth. We threw our support behind him, showered him with praise and adulation. Heck, the army even gave him a substantial honorary command rank in the reserves, all because he was fighting for the millions of pesos that he would pocket after every bout. When he wins, he wins for himself. He brings recognition to the country, sure. Indirectly at best, but bear in mind that it is not an achievement for the nation, and nor should his wins be a source of national pride, kasi pera-pera lang naman yan eh. Our country becomes the "idiot nation" where said mercenary was able to charm the population into voting him into higher public office despite having nary a hint of competency for governance. And no, you can't justify that you will just learn on the fly, kasi hindi ito boxing, gago. The things you do in office will have an impact on populations of people. No wonder developed countries are laughing at us for being a backward banana republic. We put the wrong people in office turn a blind eye to them enriching themselves while the same people moan about how bad things are and how government should do more for them.

On the other hand, you have the true national athletes, languishing in their dilapidated training facilities, with nary a drop of support compared to the one shown to the mercenary. They only get a mere pittance of an allowance, and the government seems to ignore them unless there is a potential photo op to be had. Now I really feel sorry for not supporting Philippine sports in earnest, mainly because I was generally indifferent to sports growing up. Now I know better, and I intend to do better for them.

Another peeve I have for this boxing mercenary is his corruption of sport, although in hindsight, his actions were inevitable and should have been expected. Said mercenary made waves when he was drafted as a playing coach in the highest basketball league of the land. It was in al likelihood a massive publicity stunt by the company behind the said team, but it really pissed me off. You have this guy, a superb athlete in his field (boxing), who just happens to like basketball and plays somewhat well at the barangay level (I dunno, I never cared to see him play), suddenly shoehorned into a roster spot that thousands if not millions of hopeful players have been training their whole lives to earn someday. Initially I was so disgusted by this act, that he bypassed (and in turn, disrespected) the normal grind that any athlete goes through to reach the highest level, and just pissed on it all just because he got fucking popular due to his fights for money. 

I am no athlete, but as an avid basketball fan, I have massive respect for those who train to get to where they are. To have this total amateur take a free ride to the top just like that was just a slap to the face. I though sport was the ultimate equalizer, that money wasn't supposed to matter as long as you had the skills to compete at the highest level (I am aware that getting good training costs money, but that is besides the point I am trying to get across here). Its a bit funny, because the dude came from a humble background, quite similar to other athletes from the provinces who try their luck in Manila by way of college athletic scholarships. Now I realize that I should not have been disgusted, because that is the sort of thing that I should have expected from him from the get-go.

Bottom line is that he should not have deserved my respect and admiration as a supposed national sports icon. If ever, he would just be noticed because he seemed good in winning fights for prize money.

Before I end my piece, I would like to share another thing I saw that got me triggered all over again:

Now this is just pathetic. Coming on the heels of Hidilyn's historic win is another case of Filipinos trying to ride the coattails of someone who does not represent them. No disrespect to the athlete. A win is a win, and this post by no means aims to diminish the achievement. Congratulations all the same. What I'm hitting at is the attribution of the achievement. Wake up guys, the person is still classified as a foreigner who plays for another country, so it's cringeworthy to see putting #Olympinoywalangimposible hashtags underneath this, because she ain't Pinay in the Olympic sense. Kahit pa sabihin niya na Pinay pride siya or whatever, bottomline is ang panalo niya ay hindi para sa atin, kundi para sa Amerika! She does not represent us, and it makes no sense that you are trying to foster a sense of ownership and pride over something that is clearly not ours. That above post should not have been done, or at least could have been handled a bit differently. We go from praising Hidilyn as a true local hero, to lumping her together with all these Fil-Ams and their wins for other countries. We should have more national pride than that. We should not be riding the achievements of people who are not truly "one of us", because they did not really do anything tangible for the country, na nagkataon lang na may lahing Pinoy. Ang pathetic lang kasi.. Nakakahiya na.. Yun lang.

The beginning of a spike?

 Sigh... I knew it was too good to last..

Thanks to the blatant irresponsibility of people over the holidays, and most recently during a popular religious event, I feel we might be staring at another uptick in the number of cases.. 

 

Yeah, seems about right..  😓

I don't even know what to say anymore.. All there is to do is brace for the inevitable I guess.. I do have one thing to say though.. For all those selfish people who flouted the rules, or wouldn't even put on their face masks and shields properly, SHAME ON YOU This is all on you!! You better hope we don't see you or your loved ones on the business end of an endotracheal tube.

Gaddamit people! :(

Hay, naku, eto na naman tayo.. 😡

Just when I thought we were starting to get the handle on things, people really just have to mess things up by blindly doing something that kinda defies all logic..

Above picture lifted from the Inquirer Website

Here in the Philippines, there is this popular devotion to the image of the Black Nazarene, which is famously housed in Quiapo Church. Every year, during precovid times, there would be this procession called the "Translacion" which basically finds the image taking a trip from the Quirino Grandstand to the Quiapo Church. This is to commemorate the transfer of the original (?) image from Intramuros to Quiapo.

 

It starts out benign enough. There is a mass at Quirino Grandstand where the image is surrounded by cops, then is loaded on to a truck for the journey to Quiapo.. . (Image credit: Rappler)

To say that it a very popular devotion is an understatement, as it attracts hordes of people ("devotees") who want to see and touch the image as it makes its' way to the aforementioned church. According to the Wiki article that I just linked to above, the crowd swells to roughly 220 thousand on a good day. What could go possibly wrong.. 😒

A LOT, that's what. 😒 (Image credit: Phil Info Agency)

Devotees fanatics would then converge on swarm the carriage, and the most intrepid would attempt to climb to the image to touch it or wipe a towel on it.

I have never really approved of this tradition. Apart from the fact that I personally dislike massive crowds, this is just too much..

No, REALLY (Image credit: Phil News Agency)

Although there are some people who may really be in it for religious reasons, there are a lot of those who just "go for the experience", or those youths who see the act of fighting through the crowds as an act of bravado that should be applauded. 😒 Some thrill seekers who justify their bumping bodies in the crowds as a way to atone for their sins, but go back to being crappy people afterwards anyway. It seems like such a charade if you ask me, and I'm pretty sure that it is very hypocritical for most of the people there. Trying to put up a show of "piety" for a few hours before going back like nothing has changed.

In my opinion, popular devotions are just that, popular. People do it because other people do it. Oftentimes the main value or spirit of the practice is lost because these people are in it for all the wrong reasons, without properly understanding why these things are done in the first place. If you think I'm just spewing a lot of hot air, how would you account for the countless injuries and occasional mortalities that have happened along the way as the cart makes its sloooooooooow transit from one point to the next? A horde of people shoving each other without regard for the safety of the people around them, whipped up into a frenzy at the prospect of touching an image? I'm sorry, but this is one aspect of my faith that I willfully ignore due to its barbarism and backwardness.. 😓

Devotions without proper discernment, or even just a basic understanding of the faith and practice, is utterly useless, and is just another totally human spectacle that is not worth anybody's time.

I'm not done though.. 😑 Take all of that frenzy, and put it right smack in the middle of a pandemic, and you then have 400,000 frickin' possible CoVID suspects attending what could most likely be one of the worst superspreader events in the world. And here I thought Filipinos were now much better than the Americans at being compliant with the rules.. Even though they thankfully did away with the actual transfer of the religious image, the fact that it was still celebrated and drew an alarmingly large crowd makes my head hurt.. Now we have to brace ourselves for a deluge of patients that would soon come by the droves at the hospitals.. And the bad thing is that these patients would not necessarily be the attendees from the religious event, but may merely be innocent relatives who are quietly sheltering at home, unaware that their devotee relative would be the death of them, literally.

Kung mamatay ang kamag-anak niyo, kayo ang may kasalanan nito. Don't blame us if we would be unable to save them, because they should not have gotten sick in the first place if it was not for you. Hindi namin kasalanan kung di mo kaya pigilan sarili mo na hindi sumunod sa mga payo ng marurunong. Hindi namin kasalanan na naging makasarili ka at 'di inisip ang kapakanan ng iba.

We will still do what we can, but it may no longer be enough. Regrets will always come later, after the irreversible has happened.. 

Now what?

What a crazy, crazy world we live in right now..

It is now a few days removed from Christmas, and things have remained pretty much the same.. COVID is still out there, politicos are still doing their thing, bullshitting people at the national level.. Sigh.. I won't go into specifics so as not to ruin my day..

Had a brief grocery run earlier. Compared to the lockdown much earlier this year, people seemed to have settled into the routine of living with COVID somewhat, and it actually gives me a bit of relief when I see almost everyone I encounter wearing both the face mask and shield, although there are still those morons who miss the point entirely and wear their face shields like a visor.. Whatever for though? To protect yourself from the sun? The freaking thing is transparent! Argh.. so frustrating.. and these seem to be educated people for that matter!

Stupid compliance aside, the numbers are holding stable for now, and I am extremely cautious of that fact.. The case count has not continued on it's downward trajectory that I noticed a week ago. I hate to say this, but we may need to brace for yet another surge at the start of the year, although I am HOPING that it won't be as bad as what we experienced early last year, with families decimated and people dying left and right..

I'm sorry to paint such a grim picture, but because it's the holidays, human nature tends to override common sense and precautionary measures. Christmas has already come and gone, and now we wait a couple of weeks to see if all our sacrifices up to this time have been for naught.. 😕

To my regular readers, I'm sorry for all the coronavirus posts as of late.. The ongoing crisis kinda takes the spotlight away from everything else these days.. I tried drafting a yearender post, but all these COVID things just keep popping up..

People are really just sick and tired of this COVID mess we all presently find ourselves in. The responses have gone from fear and panic, to caution and worry, to grudging acceptance and compliance, to doubt and skepticism, and now to exhausted indifference..

The disinfection routine I always do when I get home from outside is becoming quite the chore, despite the fact that it may very well be the one thing that is keeping the people here at home safe..Don't worry, I'm not about to just throw up my hands and give up on everything, but I fear I may get sloppy and careless due to the routine.

I have no idea how this pandemic will last, but given how this country is run, I'm pretty sure normalcy here will be delayed a couple of months compared to the rest of the world, because the politicos here  are just that damn selfish.. 😕

But still, my message remains the same: Keep your distance, mask and shield up, don't go out if you don't have do, don't gather just because you want to. Ayokong matulad tayo sa States, parang awa niyo na. Gusto ko nang matapos 'to. Sumunod na lang kayo, para naman makaahon na tayong lahat.

Christmas 'round the corner

"Nativity Scene" on iStock by Getty Images

December 23.. 2 days until Christmas 2020.. Wow.. 

This has got to be the most somber Christmas season I have ever experienced, which is understandable given the backdrop of an actual pandemic..

Having just read this article on  journal writing, it got me thinking about how I started out chronicling this year, and how I seem to have regret not painting a clearer picture of things as they were happening. Living through this pandemic for the ages is basically history writing itself, and it would be a shame if I wouldn't be able to make a worthy contribution, seeing as I am in a position to do so.

 Now that I finally have time off from the hospital, this is the perfect time to make an early retrospective. I have forgotten how liberating it feels to be rid of hospital responsibilities, overnight duties, and endless reports, even for just a brief period of time... Actually I have a pair of things that I would hopefully have started before I go back to the hospital, but I don't wanna talk about that now.

Taking a peek at the current COVID numbers, it seems to have leveled out somewhat, and we are waiting with bated breath in anticipation of a post-holiday spike in cases that we hope would not come about.. but these are Filipinos we're talking about, so I'm not really holding my breath.. I guess all we can do now is keep trying to protect our loved ones from harm and brace ourselves for another mad rush to the hospitals..

Yes, I have heard of the vaccine news.. but seriously, do you actually believe we will be getting the shots anytime soon? From China? Oh please, don't make me laugh.. You're talking about one of the most untrustworthy countries in the world right now, whose government always spews out how they never waged war on another country, but bullies their smaller neighbors into submission. If their vaccine is indeed as good as they claim, then why are they afraid of releasing the data behind it? This could bee because 1) their data sucks, and that would turn off anyone who would even think of buying from them, or 2) There is no data in the first place, and the TDK shots we may be receiving is just sterilized canal water for all we know. Remember, since religion is banned, the people in general tend to lack a sense of higher moral accountability, and thus would be inclined to just do anything to make a buck without caring how their methods would affect others. They are also on a nationalistic supremacy kick, and tend to look down upon people who are not from their "great" nation. Not good global citizens by any conceivable measure.

Enough about the virus originators though. I have had my fill of them to last a number of lifetimes already and do not need any more negativity, dishonesty, or selfishness in my life.

To day that this year was a perfect storm is a big understatement. I can't help but feel that the initial coronavirus situation (during the early part) was made worse by the mask-buying frenzy people suddenly went into after the eruption of Taal volcano way back in January. People snapped up supplies of N95 masks like hotcakes, since violence of the eruption had propelled ash to fall here in the metro. As a result, the usually ubiquitous N95 masks at the hospital were almost nowhere to be found when the COVID pandemic finally hit our shores.

It started as a slow trickle at first.. A few suspected patients with a lot of false negatives.. But testing was too damn slow, and precious slots for testing were greedily taken up by politicians who felt the need to flex their fragile egos and insecurities by jumping at the head of the line before those people who really needed it, and I guess the same truth would play out once the vaccine becomes available, if ever.

The first handful of confirmed patients were Chinese from the TDK mainland. No surprise there. Then came the cases from those who had gone abroad earlier. Based on the early trend I had observed, the private hospitals were the first ones the cry out "COVID surge" as their wards were suddenly filled to the brim with sick rich old people who often had a significant travel history, with numbers from the public hospitals considerably lagging behind (we have to bear in mind that the influx of recalled OFWs came at a much later month).

Then the panic buying started. I was caught in a couple of those situations, where supermarket lines seemed endless and unmoving, with people hurriedly snapping up whatever essentials they could get their hands on. Thankfully, the supply of toilet paper was never an issue in our poor little banana republic. 😜

Then the lockdowns came. Being a frontliner, it meant that I was still free to move about the metro with a simple flash of my ID or a glimpse of my scrubs. The situation on the road was so eerie to say the least.. The streets were close to deserted, and my normal morning commute of 45 minutes to an hour. was cut down drastically to 10-15 minutes. Roads were closed and checkpoints were manned by the police, which I welcomed wholeheartedly. All the police I had encountered were firm but polite, and gave you no hassle if everything was in order. They were doing their jobs, and I applaud them for that. 

Living under a lockdown was a bit strange, since nobody was really leaving the house. Having a free pass to move about, I took it upon myself to be the one who goes out for essential supplies every so often. Supermarket lines were tightly controlled, and nonessential businesses were shut down. The only place you could go to was the supermarket, and that often required a bit of creative navigation because some roads were closed between cities/municipalities and access was restricted for non-residents.

Eventually fellowship started in earnest, and the early adaptations we had to make in no way resembled what I thought I would be entering when I decided to apply last year. Having been displaced from the usual office of operations, I have to admit that it was getting really depressing as time wore on.. It felt like I was just going through the motions, but was not really getting anywhere..

As the year dragged on, lockdown measures were relaxed, but eventually were tightened again due to a second spike in cases, this time much greater than the first. This was also in  part due to the steady repatriation of OFWs who returned home, and the fact that the virus had already been spreading to other parts of the country. 

People slowly got used to the restrictions, and were really thankful as measures were relaxed somewhat, which meant that more people could get back out there to start earning a living again. Adjustments had to be made, obviously, but like I had said in previous posts, I think that the measures implemented (ESPECIALLY having mandatory faceshields in public) had made a considerable impact, because if you consider the fact that even thuigh more and more people are going out and commuting, the infection numbers have remained somewhat stable and may even be ever so slowly declining.

This is no reason to drop our guard though. We need to keep at it, to continue our lives but at the same time being responsible for yourself and for those around you. I honestly believe that this country can eventually pull through, as long as everyone stays smart and responsible, and won't try to be like the westerners, because whatever it is they are doing there, it definitely ain't working.

A lot of changes were forcibly adapted, as life must indeed go on. The conduct of important life events such as graduations and weddings were altered dramatically, and would forever be remembered a bit differently compared to what was the norm before.

Now we are at the final stretch of this seemingly endless ordeal of the year, and I am already itching to start anew. I hope the new year finds you well! Have  a happy holiday!

Pessimist

 I should be doing something far more important, nut a number of things weigh heavily on my mind.

2020 has been such a bad year... I don't even know where to begin.. So much tragedy abounds, and it shows no signs of relenting..

Can it be the end times already? Maybe.. I don't know anymore..

Such a shame that humanity will not be able to move on and be better.

I have kinda given up hope on humanity to be honest.. To say it in the vernacular, "hanggang diyan na lang talaga ang mga tao, hindi mo na maaasahang bumuti pa". To expect something greater from people is folly. I feel that people collectively will not be able to rise above all the selishness and stupidity that is so prevalent in the world today.

The ideals that they portray in Star Trek, about humanity coming together and working for the common good which allowed them to reach for the stars is simply not possible in this present situation. I feel that humanity has devolved so much that a critical mass of people being altruistic enough to put aside their differences to make the world a better place is simply not possible anymore.

The bad thing about social media is that it is universal, and gives a voice to those who do not deserve it. It provides a readily-accessible platform to those who seek to do harm. It allows ignorant people to pass on their stupid ideas to the world, and make themselves noticed not by their intelligence, but simply by being the loudest voice in the room. And the worst part of that? Other people would actually support these ideas. So yeah, I don't think humanity will be able to rise up from the muck, mainly because people are content to wallow in the mud.

I figured if you want people to be nicer to each other, you have to have solid values training, which comes with education (both in schools and at home). If you can't raise your brat to be a decent human being who is capable of caring about others, then you have no business making children, as you are just contributing to the cumulative jackassery of the human race.

 Sorry to be so pessimistic, but I now think we are fated to wipe everyone off the face of the planet instead of coexisting peacefully. For as long as you have ignorant people (universal education is not a government priority in most banana republics, as poverty and ignorance can be used by despots to stay in power, just look at us) and selfish people who are unable to move beyond thinking about themselves, the countdown will continue for humanity's finite time on this Earth.

 

It's been about 4 months already..

I should be reading a book right now in preparation for a case presentation/lecture this coming week, but lemme get this article off my chest real quick..

Coronavirus cases are once again on the rise across the globe, although obviously with different rates of infections among the different nations. This is the dreaded second wave, and it shows no sign of slowing down anytime soon..

Here in the local setting, the sudden spike in cases occurring approximately 2 weeks after the easing of lockdown measures did not really come as a surprise, but quite frankly I was hoping that it would not come to this.. I still look back and think about what went wrong, and if there was anything the Philippines could have done better given how the country and its people are?.. It is quite easy to imagine an ideal scenario where variables are at a minimum, and situations can be idealized, but this perspective requires a real-world approach, given the sham that passes for governance in this banana republic, as well as the apparent disdain for authority and common sense that the people seems to posses on such a large scale..

People are nearing the breaking point, and that includes the healthcare workers as well.. It is actually quite demoralizing when you have been toiling and living with anxiety for more than a quarter of the year, and yet the tide seems insurmountable. I perfectly get those HCWs who have resigned or decided to back away from the profession, especially since support from government agencies seems to not be forthcoming.. And there is also the issue of rumblings from an ungrateful public who we want to keep safe and prevent them from flooding the hospital.

Its so frustrating. The government always harps about creating new beds and wards without giving much thought to adding people to man those extra areas and tend to those beds. Instead, they expect the preexisting staff (some of whom are falling ill already) to pick up the slack with no end in sight.

I do not claim to be a policy-making genius, so I shall refrain from making any bold suggestions or change in policy since that is clearly beyond my pay grade, but I wish we would get a bit more consideration from the Health ministry and less of these insulting statements from politicians who have absolutely no idea how it is to serve at the frontlines of a pandemic (and no Cayetano, hindi ka frontliner kahit ano pang sabihin mo, unless you go out there every day and face people with the disease, or even more terrifying, facing people who may have the disease but don't know it)

A special shoutout to our non-medical co-frontliners (AFP/Police, delivery peeps, grocery staff, food and beverage staff, pharmacy staff, bank staff, etc) who were there with us from the very beginning when the streets were still deserted and the people were cowering in fear. I never got to thank you for bravely standing with us during those dark and troubled times. Kaso, hindi pa po tapos ang laban natin, and unfortunately it has been getting worse..

I understand the need to open up businesses to keep the economy afloat. Its just common sense that people need to work to eat, and having a prolonged closure of businesses will cause them to fail and shutter down for good.

I have often blogged with a bit of a positive tone because I was cautiously optimistic, but now I guess I'm just too tired of everything to still be an optimist.

They say the that a vaccine is on the horizon. The bad side though, is that it will be coming from China. With that being the case, it's going to be like playing a game of russian roulette. You have a sizeable chance of falling ill, suffering from different side effects, or getting Covid after inoculation, for the simple reason that you never know what the real deal is when you are dealing with China.

Are they just giving you a vaccine that does not really work that well to generate a tidy profit? Did they rush vaccine development or had skipped certain phases of trials in order to corner the market? Honestly I wouldn't put it past them. Based on behaviors I have noticed, China has demonstrated that it is one of the most morally bankrupt countries in the world. They have no respect for intellectual property, they knowingly sell substandard goods, have no regard for the primacy of human life, and will draw a few goddamn dashes on an old map and claim territory that does not even conform to the shape of their actual coastline. Y u so selfish China? Didn't your mother teach  how to share and get along with other kids? Oh, I forgot. Communists. Without any belief in a higher power and a sense of reckoning for the last day, you get a system which exists only for itself without any empathy for others.

It is just unfortunate that while China continues it's ascent into the asshole bully of the world, the United States, once recognized as the peacekeeping superpower, has fallen so far, from the shining example of a working democracy, to the laughingstock of the world. This was all because the Americans elected someone who seemed to best embody what they were really like at their very core, a loud obnoxious bully who would do anything to get ahead, has no sense of propriety and no respect for others. Good luck shaking that pathetic image in the next 10 years or so.

Ok, so this entry went from local problems to geopolitics in a mater of a few paragraphs.

I'm actually tired of reading about the situation in the US, because man, these people cannot get their shit together! People are as selfish as you would expect, and they seem to love there freedom more than life itself. I have often said that the US is a perfect example of the perils of giving too much freedom to the people, such that they end up making bad/stupid/unsafe decisions just because they want o do what they want.,

I guess thats's enough for one night.

With bated breath..

So tomorrow the Metro will finally be placed under General Community Quarantine (GCQ). While this relaxation of quarantine rules means that further economic activity can proceed, it also comes with a sudden increase in people on the road. Granted that more activity would be welcome in light of all the sacrifices people had to make while adhering to the rules of quarantine, but I can't help but be a little bothered by the fact that Filipinos are notorious for not following the rules, or at least trying to pakiusap their way out of everything. Its just sad that the Filipino mindset like is that of a privileged beggar:

"Kawawa ako kasi tinatamad akong maglakad pa ng onti kaya kailangan pagbigyan mo ako kahit tumawid ako ng wala sa tamang tawiran", or

"Dapat pagbigyan mo ako sa di ko pagsunod sa traffic light kasi nagmomotor ako, kaya nga nakamotor kasi walang pera bumili ng kotse", or even

"Kotse ka at motorsiklo ako, so dapat pagbigyan mo ako dumaan kahit na parang gago ako magmaneho, at kasalana mo kung magkabungguan tayo kahit na maayos ka naman magmaneho, dahil ikaw ang mas malaki ang sasakyan".

These are typical scenarios I encounter every day, even during this quarantine period. Nakakainis lang. Mahirap maawa kung alam mong kinukupal ka lang. Don't get me wrong, people in big cars are sometimes jackasses too. There's just so much jackassery to go around, but those jerks on two wheels are just too much!

Ok, traffic rant over.. A lot of people are making gloomy predictions about the outcome of this GCQ because lets face it, wala ka namang maasahan sa mga tao. Marami ang pasaway na di susunod diyan. These individuals would then probably spread the disease, and would render other people's efforts to properly distance, wash up, stay indoors, moot and immaterial. If we're lucky, these troublemakers would end up as casualties of the disease and we would be better off without them..

We at the frontlines continue to toil away, and we are faced with the potential of a larger wave that would come crashing down on everything we have worked hard for up to this point. Nakakapagod na, but we have no choice except to go on, because if we don't, then who will? So for those people, do what you like, flaunt your gross inability to follow the rules. I'll be waiting to see you on the opposite side of a body bag zipper.

1 month in..

I changed venues this time around.

Am presently in the hospital for COVID, not as a patient though. Being a part of one of the teams of consultants that rotate every couple of weeks to see inpatients (and I guess because I am a member of the staff anyway), I have the opportunity to have some quiet time here in the office (or "faculty room" as I would prefer to call it).

It is now more than a month since the lockdown here in the Philippines. Tonight we expect the chief executive to make an announcement regarding the plan going forward.. Either there will be an extension or relaxation of lockdown measures currently in place. More draconian measures can also be expected for those areas whose citizens have been belligerently non-compliant, given the nature of this machismo-fueled administration.

Over the past weeks, we have seen how this virus turned the world upside down for everyone all across the globe. Schools and malls closed. Places of worship shuttered. Hospitals filled to the brim. It seems all too crazy to be real.. However, it is, and there is nothing to do but to survive and adapt to a new reality that would emerge once we get this pandemic under control, if ever..

A lot has already been said by experts about how to manage this going forward, so I will just limit this post to a number of opinions and observations I have formulated in the past days:

- The virus, despite being respiratory in transmission, seems to cause a lot more systemic damage than originally thought. At the outset of the pandemic when people were scrambling to understand the disease, everyone was focused on the respiratory side of things. Evidence is now presently emerging that the main problems encountered seems to be cardiovascular in nature, and treatments are adjusting according.

- What the hell is happening in the US? Its such a long fall from grace, from being seen as the protector of the free world to the current laughing stock, all because they decided to elect a selfish bully into office.

- China is the main culprit here. and they can't bullshit their way out of this. Evidence (which is being suppressed as we speak, because China) is emerging that the virus originated from one of the biolabs there in Wuhan, probably due to poor safety standards (because China?)? Therefore, I shall always be calling this virus as the China Virus, to give credit where it is due. They manufactured it after all. I once joked that that the only thing real that comes out of China are viruses. The communist government deserves the big part of the blame. It actively suppresses information that makes it look bad, brainwashed its people that China can do no wrong (even though it does a lot of wrong, because China), and has deprived the people of moral standards and basic decency through the suppression of religion (because communism). Having a religion, or at least a belief in a higher power curtails the basic human tendencies to be selfish and uncaring towards others (sadly, this reality holds true even in nations with religion though, but the apathy tends to be more systemic if you ban religion altogether).

- It will be a very long time before I trust anything that comes out of China ever again, however the leadership in this country appears to give them a backchannel entry because they are compromised already, either as spies, moles, or just plain greed. Never underestimate the the greed of the power-hungry..

This has been just one long rant, and rightfully so. I don't think there is anything good to talk about anyway..

Gratis

I'm getting tired of working for free, especially with paid opportunities abound. You can just get by on so much good will and good intentions. If nothing improves, I might have to make drastic moves I never thought I would do.

Net Negativity

A lot has happened in recent weeks, and foremost among them was the blatant doctor-shaming by an infamous media personality who in my eyes has devolved from a supposed protector of the oppressed to just a plain old mean-spirited bully who pushes people around just to get what he wants. Seeing as all this negativity has had a substantial impact on my general mood as of late, I shall not be dwelling on that much-publicized incident here.

AS you can see, there have been so many ups and downs as of late. The internet has now turned into a hotbed of hostility and negativity which is spread far and wide through the (mis)utilization of social media. Foremost among these sites are Twitter and Facebook. The supposed freedom and anonymity of the internet has turned people into such jerks and assholes that it sickens me.. Then you have all these fake accounts pushing a particular agenda or orchestrating demolition jobs on individuals. Then there is also the abudance of fake news being circulated by uscrupulous individuals who are often in the payroll of one moneyed faction or another. It's just so sad... I guess this is human freedom at it's very worst..It is impossible to tightly control the entire internet, although I think China has been doing a helluva job with its own Great Firewall.

I just want to comment of this foul nature of humans, particularly the aspect that we manifest when we are behind the anonymity of the computer. Free access to the internet has led to an exlosion of apathetic individuals prowling online doing hurtful things just for the hell of it. Basic decency appears to have taken a backseat (or even no seat at all) for these people. It is sad that such a wonderful tool like the web is used merely to spread hatred and evil instead of fully utilizing its potential to help  better the lives of everyone though the sharing of knowledge and the ability to connect earnestly with people who are far away. I guess it bolis downto education, and I'm not talking about those fancy degrees here. What I am highlighting is the "manners education" that a person should receive as a child, the basic rules of decency and good moral conduct that would ideally be ingrained in every individual from a young age. I look across the internet now and see a general lack of empathy with others. I mean, you don't have to cry and sympathize with every sob story that you hear, but at least you could be decent enough not to act like a dick and make fun of those aggrieved.

I have observed that the supposed "nice people" on the internet are often drawn out to become angry lunatics because they tend to have very emotional responses that the so-called "trolls" are skilled at eliciting. This used to be the domain of the crazy obsessed fan, the nutty conspiracy theorist, or the blindly loyal staunch political supporter, but has now taken a more sinister undertone as the trolls are now for hire. This makes them much more dangerous since they are able to focus their attacks on anyone or anything going against their agenda (as opposed to individual nutjobs who people don't take seriously at all).

I guees that's enough about the negativity epidemic. I didn't want to get anybody down, but I just needed to have some catharsis from this rough couple of weeks.. 

Stressed to the nth level

I'm on duty today, as the Senior House Officer, no less. I hate the anxiety that goes with it, and everyone knows that I hate being on duty as SHO.. :( In fact, I would take ward or ICU duty over SHO any day. :/ ER duty? nah, I'll pass.. Well, I hate being on duty in general, and since the end of training is finally near, I feel that it couldn't come soon enough.

I just can't wait until the sun goes down and everyone else goes home. There's a better feeling of calm and control that goes with the twilight..

It was far from my intentions to start off the year with another negative post, but this is my outlet, and I realy, really need to let off some steam.. Now, where do I begin?..

I find it really sad and unfortunate that the department is the way it is a present, and thus I can't wait for the year to end so I can be rid of this place.. The pressures that I feel here are unbearable, and that's just one aspect of the problem..

I got to spend some much-needed quality time with my Other Half yesterday, and it reminded me of the things that really mattered most in life. :) As always, the best dates are those wherein we were able to have long talks about the stuff that matters.

On a side not, a little funny story happened as well. We were just hanging out at an area of the mall overlooking the big chritmass tree at the lobby when a group of schoolkids in uniform, probably grade 4-5, approached us and asked us if we were koreans! :P Before they asked the quesion, I was a little bothered coz they surrounded us and I thought I had to beat them off with a stick lest they were actually little pickpocketing bandits. :P But I guess all they wanted was a selfie with actual koreans. XD

Argh.. Staying here is such a drag.. I actually can't stand being with most ofthe people here anymore. At least the juniors are a little better and seem a bit more fun to be with. :P

I went on a journey yesterday with one of my batchmates to ditribute invitations and posters for our forthcoming postgraduate symposium. We went aound the metro delivering the materials to hospitals mainly in the QC area. We made a stop at a nearby Burger King for lunch and since it was subsidized, I decided to give their most expensive burger a go. :P It was delicious, although I think I would have ben better off eatinga double patty instead of a burger with other types of meat interspersed with it. Yes, there was indeed a cacophony of different flavors, but I'm a burger purist, and this I think the flavor should be rich but not all over the place. :)

We just had another incident which further conviced me that I do not want to stay here any longer than necessary.. :/

I'm tired of all of this.. Of all the callroom drama, the ever-changing curriculum requirements, the shallow interactions..

I can't help but wonder how different things would have been if alittle adjustment here or thre was made earlier on, and right people wound up at the right place..

Sigh.. I can whine and pine all I want forthings to be different, but the fact of the matter is that it won't be. All I can do is adjust to make the most of a sad situation in order to survive and hopefully make it through unscathed..

Hmm.. now its 6pm.. things have quieted down a bit already..I hope this lasts the night..

Rant aftermath

Whew.. That was a long one..

I would like to make clear that I am not targeting any individuals as I have no beef with anyone from that religion individually. Its just the system as a whole that sickens me..

Enough of that.. I'm gonna draw a line on all this negativity caused by religion and go back to our regular non-religious programming..

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The UAAP season is now in full swing, and al eyes are on DLSU with their spotless 4-0 record. I think we have a pretty even field this year, and that games can go either way for the most part. A good example of this would be Adamson's 1-point victory over perennial powerhouse Ateneo off a last minute jumper near the top of the key.. I really missed the UAAP, and I'm glad it's finally back onj track. I'm thinking of following the NCAA as well. a 10-team field seems interesting, and the balance of power seems to have shifted a bit away from San Beda and San Sebastian which to my recollection have been really successful in recent years. Sana lang hindi na sila larong kalye unlike before..

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I'm in the library for research yet again. This time it will be in preparation for a speaking engagement on a much bigger stage.. It is a burden I had no wish or intention to carry,. but I guess my chief had no other choice but to put me on the chopping block since everyone else already had their turn..I just hope I could put this off without a hitch..

Religion Rant

I'm sorry to disrupt the flow of the blog, but I really just need to let off some steam...

I have tried for the longest time to keep this blog free from any negativity concerning politics and religion (except for that moron Pakyu, who never really deserved to get into the senate in the first place), but recent events have struck a nerve and compelled me to put this down.. This is an accumulation of years of pent-up outrage, and I really have to let this one loose lest I go insane..

I have no love nor even the least bit of liking for this so-called religion which preaches love for life and respect for others but those who claim to be true followers do just the opposite.. I am sick of reading about their religious intolerance in their home countries.. I am sick of hearing about how they treat women as second-class citizens.. I am sick of hearing about all this rhetoric of killing all who do not believe in their faith.. I am sick of how they force their religion unto others in this modern and supposedly more civilized age.. I am sick of all the killings that their nutjobs do in the name of their"great" god.. I am sick of their strict implementation of their religious law, which curtails basic freedoms and preaches a culture of hate and barbarism.. I am sick of reading about their religious texts which seem very inappropriate in this time of decency, which people still blindly follow by the letter since it is a supposed word of god.. All those abuses committed in the name of religion based on texts which seem very open to negative interpretations by the wrong people.. Yes I do fear them taking over the institutions of this civilization that people have struggled through centuries to put up and perfect. I have no wish for out culture to descend into barbarism, where basic decency is nonexistent and the rule of law seems animalistic.. I am so disappointed in them because even though the "decent" ones among them supposedly speak out against the evils their brethren have caused, it is often nothing more than just lip service to appease the outraged. They seem totally incapable of policing their ranks, or are they? A more sinister side to this is that they probably have a hidden agenda of letting their religion of evil run rampant across the globe, swallowing up all others in the name of their twisted ideologies.. The ones that they won't convert, they will kill.. all of this in the 21st century.. How disappointing.. Other religions have moved forth and adapted to the times, why can't they? Why can't they get along with the rest of the world? Why can't they accept that there will be others who will not believe what they do? Why do they have to force other people to adapt to their beliefs when other people don't really give a rat's ass? Why do they have to be treated extra special? It's kind of like a brat who makes a tantrum when it does not get what it wants and when it does get it by being persistently annoying, would desire more and try to get more since the trick already worked before.. Is it because they are truly evil? I'm sorry if this post may be offensive to some, but to tell you the truth, I have been offended too you know.. Do I not have a right to say my piece when I have been offended? It's just my opinion, or will you not respect that as well? This just proves my point..

Some would say, "you've made your point, but what could be done about it?" Its simple. Police your ranks! The change has to come from within. The other religions will not have a say in this, because it is yours and it is your responsibility to clean up your act because you will be held responsible by the deity that you follow. Change is badly needed if you want to change the perception of how the world at large sees you. If you are unwilling, then that's your problem, and sadly, it becomes the rest of the world's problem as well, which I find unfair because that's your choice, not ours. Why should you be a burden to the rest of the world if you already know the problem but is still unwilling to change..If you tried but are still unable to do anything about it, it might be time to look at yourself and change religions if the belief system does not suit you..

I am not here to convert anyone or force my belief system upon others. I am not calling for violence of any sort because I do not believethat it is appropriate for this situattion. I am just pleading with those people who can do something to go out and make a positie change to help everyone get along. Change what you have to, do away with any unecessary of potentially inflammatory statements in your texts that would do more harm than good. I don't know.. I just wish there would be less hatred and less opportunities to create hatred in religions name by altering the teachings to suit the needs of this more enlightened and civilized age where people are supposed to act with decency and not barbarism..

Sometimes I wonder how religion fits into today's modern society.. It was good to serve as a belief system during the olden time because you needed to unite people under a banner to create change. But seeing the way things are evolving now, with religion more often being used as a tool to try to move society back to the dark ages by way of adherence to and blind acceptance of outdated teachings that preach a lot of violence, intolerance, and sometimes dumb concepts that we now know have no place in the modern world we live in..

Antisocial

There are days when I neither require nor desire human interaction. This is one of those days..

Being around other people can be such a chore, and it makes it even tougher when the very nature of your work requires engaging with others on a regular basis.. :/ 

It is yet another duty day, and by the way things are shaping up, I think I'm in for on hell of a ride..

I had a brief conversation last night with my Other Half (Hi!), and she told me that she was feeling pretty much the same way about work and what we are doing with our lives.. Unfortunately I had nodded off before I could give her a satisfactory reply.. (sorry!)

I wish I knew all the answers, but I was just as lost as she was.. Even now, with the present state of rhings in my life, I sometimes drift back to question the path I chose to follow so many years ago..

It really doesn't help that I'm not really fond of the people I'm presently working with.. Sad to say, I can even barely consider some of them as my friends. They are all just co-workers to me, some of which I may have a better understanding with than most. Unfortunately, lasting friendships does not seem to be in the discussion.. They are just really too different for me to be able to form an inrimate bond of friendship with.

I hate to use this line, but mom was right. In life, you will only meet a handful of individuals who you will consider as your true friends, and I'm glad I have my BNO boys for that.

Sigh.. Other people are just so irritating at times, and even more annoying is the fact that they have absolutely no insight that they are the root of the problem and are either too stubborn and set intheir wicked ways or too goddamned stupid to change for the better. Maybe its also due to advanced age, i dunno. I've pretty much given up figuring these people out. I've already removed the Facebook application since I was tired of all the shallowness and superficiality that is on display. I desire to have real things, real interactions, realexperiences, all of which is according to my design.

That is something I will not be able to accomplish until I am rid of training already, and the following 8 months can't go by fast enough.. :/

Just the same..

I'm spending a bit of quiet time here at the hospital library, since I'm already done with my rounds and the callroom suffers from lack of any semblance of air cobditioning. :P

I often find myself in this kind of funk when I had just experienced a wonderful weekend in the days that preceeded.. Having had the rare opportunity to spend a full day's worth of quality time will always give anyone an emotional high.. Sadly, the crash that follows seems to get worse and worse as the experiences becone more pleasant.. Its kinda like the allusion of "the higher you fly, the further you crash".. :(

I'm personally sick and tired of this emotional roller coaster that I go through whenever I get some much-needed R&R only to return to a situation I am no longer really happy with.. :/ I really do wish things would seem a bit brighter, but I'm at a loss with how I could make things work.. Its no fun going to work everyday with an apparent cloud of gloom over your head.. I guess this stems from my general  dissatisfaction  aboit life and it's every 3- or 4-day cycle... Or maybe the SH-ICU duties for two straight months have been really getting to me na.. :( I'm sorry to makeanother badtrip post, as I know I have promised to try and be more positive in the blog, but the problems remain, and sometimes grow in complexity and weight, which defeats my attempts at supressing them..

Sigh.. Things just seem to be so depressing right now, and I have absolutely no idea why... :(

Anger Games

I just have a short thing to say.. It's really difficult to go on duty when your batchmate refuses to receive endorsements from juniors because of this or that excuse, or probably because s/he is just too goddamn lazy Sadly, the burden goes to you, being the more kinder and approachable senior, to sort things out. But then again, it is really difficult if that person does not repect the authority of the SHO just because s/he is so goddamn selfish!

These are experiences that one will remember for a lifetime, and will leave an indelible mark on the person's record and will forever taint other people's memories of him/her. I personally will not be referring any patients, nor will I be entertaining any favors for that person. S/he is not my friend, and it just so happened that we were co-workers at one point in time. I don't tolerate assholes in my friend list.

Drained..

Wow, that really took a lot out of me..

It's Thursday, and that means TB clinic day here at the hospital. As usual, the OPD was really toxic probably because I was the one rotating there..

Add the fact that it was SO FREAKING HOT today, and you have a recipe for disaster. I mean, I haven't felt this tired since my ER duties.. Thats how intense today was.. :(

I should be working on my protocol now, but I'm just too damn tired... :( I have to do this later though, but maybe at home na lng so I can work on it uninterrupted... :/

My Other Half has been feeling under the weather lately.. although I think it's more of vertigo. She got herself checked out by Ophtha and ENT already, and she's gonna have some bloodwork done later.. I hope everything turns out alright.. :(

8 out of 10

This post was written on February 22, 2016

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I think and worry too much, especially in uncomfortable situations that I get myself into, notably residency and fellowship training.. You see, these things are really just optional.. Nobody really compels you to go into this or that since its no longer part of a school curriculum like clerkship, or a requirement for the physicians licensure exam like the post-graduate internship.

Sigh.. I should really learn to get my head out of my ass when things get rough.. The ER is especially traumatic for me because I am not comfortable with dealing with an endless stream of patients, most of them seeking immediate attention for one reason or another. Its not easy to deal with that because i feel like I run out of compassion too soon.. My only consolation is that it will all be over soon.. (I hope..)

I kind of hate myself because of the mess I'm in, since this was a result of a conscious decision to become a freaking doctor.. 😕 As I have said before, once you realized what a freaking shitstorm it is, you find yourself way too deep into it to turn back and choose another path, which I find kind of unfair.. Other people go through life switching jobs until they find something they can live with eventually. Doctors don't normally have that luxury, unless of course you're filthy stinking rich that you can afford to turn your back on the amount you've spent on your one-way trip through medical education and just start from scratch elsewhere..

I'm normally very eloquent when I'm sad and frustrated.. I guess its due to the fact that have so much to say, and so much emotion to back it up.

A one-way ticket.. Yeah, i think i like that statement..