Here we go again...

It's another saturday, and yes, here I am at school.. :P My group got assigned another batch of new cases.Ok lang. I guess we've gotten over the initial shock/fear of going alone. I was able to get a better history this time, with a more thorough physical examination to boot. :) I don't really care anymore if we're gonna get chewed out when we meet our facilitator on the thurdays to come. The experience we gained is invaluable. Confidence in your capabilities can't be taught in school. :D Sure there were some screw-ups, and I'm pretty sure we made some more with these new cases. But what the hell, kaya nga medical students diba? :D

I've learned to look at life from a fresh perspective. Actually, I guess it's more of rediscovering what I already believed in before. I had a chat with one of my classmates the other day. This particular classmate is one of those who worked before deciding to enter medical school. Basically she told me that the outsidre world isn't all it's cracked up to be.. and I guess her pep talk worked.

Oh well, gotta go. The ward is waiting.. :P

Sabado

It's Saturday, and here I am in school... and I'm even in uniform!! :P No, I don't have an extension class, nor did they declare that they were making life even more toxic for us by cutting our weekend in half. :P I just came from the ward where i visited "my" patient. Though I'm still disgruntled with the extra load this module has placed upon us (more than any other subsec for that matter), at least I'm grateful for the chance to be able to go on a solo flight and handle a patient all to myself. :D It's really something else when you do it alone.. Nobody asking questions in an order you wouldn't normally prefer, no more lengthy arguments on physical examination findings, etc.. It's just you, your skills, and the patient before you. It just feels so empowering! Though I know come thursday I'll probably be chewed out by our facilitator for stuff I surely missed or failed to do, at least its been a good learing experience.. (though I wish my learning experience could be a bit more pleasant if our faci would be just a teeny bit nicer to her students.. :P)

I'm beginning to learn how to cope with the multitude of stresses that Med throws our way.. I guess I shouldn't take everything to seriously and just to my best to put up a good and honest effort in everything I do.. though most of the time it's easier said than done.. sigh... I'm just praying I won't get chewed out so much when the time comes..

2 1/2 hours post prandial...

(What happened?)
Wow, after 10 minutes of furiously typing, I suddenly pressed something by mistake and all that I typed just vanished!!

Anyway, I was ranting about how toxic it is here in med, and how it got a whole lot more toxic due to the addition of an unecessary stressor.. I won't delve into that any more, but it would be enough to say that I feel like a neophyte again... :(

Sometimes I really don't get these doctors.. or the way medical school is conducted..

Some of them expect you to come to the first meeting knowing everything without making errors!! Eh kaya nga medical students pa lang diba? There's supposed to be an allowance for error! They set their expectations very high and if you fall short of that, you're nothing!! :( It's so sad when you think about it.. students who are willing to learn encounter teachers who are unwilling to teach!! It can get so frustrating and discouraging at times..

I understand that Med is supposed to be toxic. Siyempre doctor ka, kelangan madami kang alam 'di ba? But can't the consultants be even just a little bit nicer or more understanding? Kahit konti man lang?? (I'm not talking about the entire faculty here ha.. just a select few who, in my opinion, seem to hate students for what they are..) :(

Now I'm really toying with the idea of quitting.. I've had enough! The load just keeps piling up with no end in sight!! I don't even have time for myself anymore!! :( Every night when I go to bed (usually at 12mn or later) I always wonder when I could get a good nights' rest without worrrying about what's gonna happen the next day or week!! Dammit! I'm living life day by day!! Its so pathetic!! I'm sick and tired of always worrying, always being toxic, always pushing my body, mind, and soul to strive for something I'm not even sure I'll be successful at in the future!!

I never thought I'd wind up like this.. I was always the idealistic one.. I was foolish enough to think that I would never become jaded.. I can only laugh at myself now for being so naive.. In the past, if you'd ask me if I would change the choices I've made in my life, I'd probably tell you "No way! Ano ako, baliw?" Now the situation has changed, and I now think that I must have been crazy to have decided that way in the first place.. I now, more than ever, envy my batchmates who have chosen different paths and lead conderably simpler lives.. All I ever wanted in life was to be happy and have a sense of purpose.. Now I find myself with neither..

Life will go on, and stuff will happen. I'm at the point where there's no turning back.. I just hope I'll be able to do my best with the choices I've made , and live by the ideals that I have set my heart to ..

Make your light brightly shine 'til the journey's end; Luceat, Luceat Lux!!!

Monday blues and UAAP games

It's the start of a new week, and I'm taking advantage of some down-time to squeeze in an entry while we wait for our prof for Ethics III. I find it amusing when i see that the only subjects which we take through all these three years are Ethics and Prev Med. Oh well..

The past week left me absolutely DRAINED.. so drained that I didn't even have enough energy to blog (or go for a swim for that matter, which made me feel really lousy.. :c ). It was terrible. We had quizzes, cases, and lectures all around! The usual stuff kumbaga.. but the sad thing is, there appears to be no end in sight!!! :c So we just trudge along day by day, always reading, always studying, with the hope that it'll be all worth it someday... For now, I guess we'll just have to suck it up and take whatever Med throws our way.. there is no alternative.. Hoping for a better day just wastes time and productivity.. Damn, I sound so mechanical all of a sudden..

Medicine is hard, there's no question about that. I knew it was gonna be hard, but I guess it's still different when you get to confront it for real.. No, I'm not thinking of quitting.. because I have a vision, and a sense of destiny... that my life is supposed to follow the path laid down before me.. At times I still fail to understand the choices I've made, and yet I go on, motivated by some unseen force which slowly guides me along the course which I tread... I've seen God's hand in many points in my life... especially at those crossroads that would drastically shape the course of my life until the very end.. I just pray that I haven't read the signs wrong for even though God is perfect, I'm not, and the possibility of having misinterpreted everything still hangs over my head.. (but then again, that's why there's the process of discernment, diba?)

I watched the Ateneo-Lasalle game yesterday. :) Took some time off from the madness to watch another part of their epic struggle against each other. :P Tambak!!! Grabe, Jayvee Casio was clicking on all cylinders, hitting a perfect 4-of-4 from 3-point land during the 1st half, helping DLSU to a 30 point lead (50-20)! I was wondering when he would really come out and bring his deadly shooting to the collegiate level. It couldn't have happened at a better time for the Archers. With the departure of leading scorer Mac Cardona, a lot of people were wondering who would pick up the slack and fill the void. Being an undersized team this year, La Salle is expected to rely heavily on their firepower from beyond the arc. They didn't disappoint.. :D Going up against a tall Ateneo lineup with the "Baby Rocket" JC Intal and lanky Japeth Aguilar manning the middle, La Salle was forced to shoot from the outside after consecutive blocks by Aguilar and Intal made the inside a bit too crowded for comfort.

More postgame analysis next time. Class is about to start.. ;)

Its the weekend! Oh joy!.. =P

Whew! An end to a LOOONG week! I never thought I'd make it through! =P There was like half a dozen quizzes, case discussions left and right, and a handful of presentations stuck in between!! Argh! Toxic!! Add that to another extracurricular source of stress that's been bothering me lately.. but i won't go into details anymore..

I was supposed to go home early today coz of the lighter sked, but instead I hung around to photocopy some materials that I'll be needing for the next week. It was time well spent. I got to bond with some of my classmates who were also there at Asturias hanging out while waiting for their respective xeroxed stuff.

After getting my stuff, I boarded an empty jeep and sped off. Ang mahal na talaga ng fare sa jeep ngayon!! The jeep stopped after a while and there was this really old lady who boarded. Out of the blue, she began to talk to me! She first pointed out to me a kid on the street and said that he was her grandchild, well, actually her nephew's son (she was an old maid daw, and according to her, she wasn't ashamed of saying that to people either! ). I humored her kasi matanda na din nga naman siya, and she's probably looking for someone to talk to, as are most old people. So I just listened with feigned interest as she went on and on about her nephew's kids whom she was supporting. She talked about her family and also said that she was 89 YEARS OLD!! Whoa pare!!! Anyway, things got interesting when she took note of my uniform and asked if I was a medical student. :D Siyempre I said yes diba? So she went on to ask me about her painful"bones" (joints actually) which was strongly indicative of arthritis. I worked my questioning along that line but was unsucessful for the most part because the jeep's stereos were turned up so loud that she couldn't hear me!! :( But I got some measure of satisfaction when I told her my impression and she said that was what the doctors in UST told her. :D Yahoo!!! :)

So now I sit here feeling pretty good about myself not because i was able make the right diagnosis (that's chicken feed, any idiot would know arthritis!), but because I was able to build a good rapport with the patient. I know what I did was nothing much, but we need these little victories in life that boost our morale to keep us going. :)

Its not what you know, its what you BOTHERED to know..