Outlet

I need an outlet.

Not the electrical kind, as the image above might lead one to believe, but an opportunity to make my thoughts and feeling heard.

Which is why I'm on multiply again after so long.

Actually, that's a part of my struggles.

As I have mentioned in an earlier post (which I won't be able to crosslink here because it's too far back to search), blogging is cathartic to me, and man, do I ever need catharsis now..

I've had a really rough year last 2011. I had hoped to put out a yearender blog entry following my usual tradition, but I never got around to doing it.. So to my readers, please bear with me.. I'll probably put one up in the coming days so as not to break tradition. I guess I was too preoccupied dealing with "stuff" that I was trying to take lightly but couldn't.. Looking back, I thought I was ok, but the reality proved otherwise.. I cannot really explain why I was unable to blog for such a long time, especially when I think I needed this activity the most..

Chalk it up to laziness, but I guess it goes a little deeper than that. I'm being intentionally vague right now as I contemplate if I will discuss certain things at length in future entries. Basically, this year has been about bad decisions, self-discovery, re-evaluation, feelings of betrayal and self-pity. It was also a struggle with depression, self-doubt, and finding purpose.

There was also a little big of light in the tunnel as well.. particularly the discovery of a certain something that may help me through rough spots when I'm feeling down..

Sigh.. I'm actually a bit afraid of what this new year might bring, but hey, when you've hit rock bottom, there's nowhere else to go but up, right?

I just hope I can find the rope to haul myself up out of this mess.. its really dark in here..