I have decided..

.. that I shall be doing things a little differently tonight.

Whereas at around this time of the day, one would find me in front of this computer wasting my life away catching virtual mice or ghosts, managing a make-believe crackpot hospital, or going on ficticious quests with my merry band, I thought of doing something a bit more productive for a change..

Like I've said before, blogging is a thereapeutic thing for me. I guess writing in general allows me to immerse myself in my own thoughts without really giving a rat's ass about anything else that doesn't really seem to be of any import to me at the time. I've really missed this, just being able to let your innermost thoughts loose and all the while attempting a bit of sophistry so that the content will be palatable to any reader that happens to drop by and scan the pages. :P

I'm 2 1/3 months into my first year of residency. I'll be the first to admit that I had a REALLY rocky start, and thoughts of just walking away haunted my every waking moment, even moreso whenever I was on duty.. Good thing common sense took over, and with the prayers and help of my parents and loved ones, I was able to get back on my feet and soldier on.

The initial shock of the extreme responsibility seems to have worn off a little, and I find myself enjoying work a tiny bit more each day. Whereas (man, I'm starting to sound like a lawyer here :P) I used to cringe everytime one of the nurses would approach my with a referral, I'm now more confident since I'm now able to address their problems (most of the time).. I guess familiarity helped a little too, since the nurses I interact with on a daily basis already know me and vice versa, we're a little more relazed with dealing with one another.

The same is true for us residents. I remember thinking when I first started out that I don't really know these people whom I will be working with for the next three years. Add the fact that most of them came from another medical school, and I really felt like an outsider merely trying to fit in. Make no mistake, my batchmates are great, and I don't think any of them made me feel unwelcome in being part of the group. For the most part, it's still pretty much touch-and-go, but  I think we're already feeling each other out, getting to know each other's tendencies, quirks, and habits, and making the necessary adjustments for the good of all (at least, that's what I hope..). The seniors are ok as well. We're really fortunate that our seniors aren't like what the previous batches were before. I heard scuttlebutt that batches past were absolutely strict on their juniors, and that the cozy "family-like" atmosphere we presently enjoy was nowhere to be found during earlier years.. I'm really thankful that the seniors before (the third years during our pre-residency) made a pact to make Medicine a bit more "enjoyable" to everyone involved. I just hope we first years don't screw up that much so as to necessitate a return to the dreaded "older ways"..

Then there's the consultant staff. Can say much about them, and can't really complain either (for my sake :P), but suffice to say that I'm quite satisfied with what I see and hear around the hospital. Thanks to them, things are shaping up for a seemingly good three years (I hope!).

Wow, I just realized that I actually wrote that I was ENJOYING my job.. :P Reality check for all those hopeful doctors out there.. Residency is HARD, moreso if you're in one of the more toxic services like Internal Medicine or Pediatrics (and it depends on the institution as well, but IM takes that cake anytime, anywhere :P) You're asked to sacrifice a LOT, while seemingly getting so little in return (and I'm not just talking about the paltry salaries, or "honorariums" as they call it, that residents in the Philippines recieve).

One of my seniors (who happends to be a batchmate from MT) hit the nail on the head when she said that first year would be a roller-coaster ride of emotions, with you mood swinging to both ends of the pendulum in a matter of days, hours, or even a few minutes. You just have to find a way to shake youself when you get stuck in a rut and hope for better days. One must soldier on despite all the hits he or she takes, because one day (hopefully), all this shall come to pass..

My fiancee (who is also a medical resident at a different institution) said that her batchmates cope by counting down the days 'till October, when they will eventually have pre-residents of their own.. hehehe

Hopefully things would get better and better as the days go by. Experience really does teach a lot, far more than any book would ever do. Having friendly seniors who are willing to lend a hand when things get a little rough dosen't hurt either. Thanks po! :D I think I'm getting a little sharper as the year wears on, and hopefully I'll be better than ever come the much-awaited transition period in December.. :P

Ok, time to hit the books for now...