I need something, anything, to get myself started again.
On duty again today as the Senior House Officer.Man, being a SHO here is a lot different from when I was in QC.. In those early years, it was more of an annoyance, with not really much responsibility to bear, since the Chief of Clinics was always just a phonecall away, and the THOCs were handled directly by the different departments. Not so here in our institution, when the SHO has greater power and responsibility. One of the things I dislike the most as SHO is the constant level of anxiety that stays in the air in anticipation of something happening, be it a midnight call for a THOC or an unexpected call for help from the emergency department..
Lately it feels like I've just been floating along, without any motivation to do well in my work.. Is this burnout? I do not know. Frankly speaking, I have relatively little to be burned out about. But then again, the constant flow of work that I have been through in the past few months may have left me with very little in the tank..
Actually I'm feeling depressed, with very little evidence of anything to be depressed about. However, that's the thing about depression.. It just comes around without warning to bite you in the ass. :( You often have nothing to really be sad about. Your mood just turns all gloomy without warning, and it affects everything you think, say, or do, and recovery is slow and difficult.. :(
Hmm.. It's actually raining now.. A welcome development compared to the sweltering heat we have endured for the past months.. A lot of lives have been affected by the drought, especially our poor farmers in the countryside..
I wish I would be having my training under happier circumstances, but with the current situation among the trainess, especially the infighting among seniors, makes this a less than desirable place to be if one is looking for someplace to rest and "make tambay". I won't go into specifics since I feel that my blog does not deserve to be contaminated by unimportant trivialities caused by unimportant people...
Still, the office and callroom remains a relatively unhappy place, filled with unease when opposing parties are in the same room together. As for me, well, I'm caught right in the midde of it, being civil with either side, without favoring one or the other. And these guys know me well enough not to drag me into their petty squabble lest they endure my wrath. :P
On the side, I have also been reading stuff about possible electoral fraud due to supposed technical corrections done to the transparency server. This to me seems like a load of crap, and I think the media is just blowing things out of proportion, as well as the supposedly affected parties who seem to be looking at absolutely anything they can get their hands on to say that there has been foul play despite there not being any in the first place..
But then again, looking at things the other way, why would there be a need to make such a trivial adjustment to such a an unimportant thing at the even of the elections if said change would only be cosmetic anyway? The end result being that the electoral result is now in doubt.. Hay naku..
I have recently deleted my FB app from my device, in order to minimize distractions and remove myself from all the negativity that go with it. FB is good per se, but I think it has been doing more harm than good to society as a whole. Another goal of deleting FB is that I would be able to concentrate on things and people that matter to me. :) I have half a dozen pocketbooks which I have bought in the last couple of years that have yet to be read because I lacked the "sit-down time" it would take me to read these books, as I usually read each book in one sitting (yeah, I'm a book nerd like that :P)
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It is already 2pm, and I should really get started already on the paperwork (I started this entry at 10am, with pauses in between for lunch and to check the present state of the ER and the fellow manning that post.
I'm thinking of shooting hoops again with brother tomorrow, that is, if my stamina would allow it. :P Shooting hoops gives me such relaxation which I have not felt for a long, long time.. It's just you and the basketball out there on the court. I also discovered that I still have a pretty decent free throw shooting arm, putting down 6 out of 10 in one continuous sequence. :D
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