Losing my religion

I know I should be studying, but I decided to take a little time off the books since there's a ton of backBLOG I have to make up for. :P

(pic source here)

Up until very recently, I was in a quandary of sorts, wherein I found myself slowly slipping away from my beliefs.. I don't really know what brought this about, but I guess it was a combination of frustration, disillusionment in the church, and the effects of media.

And how was I able to figure that this what happening to me?

I discovered I no longer knew how to pray.

As shocking as I may supposed to seem to me, I was strangely unaffected, and instead had this feeling that it had been coming all along. Let me explain.

I have to admit I was a little angry at myself over what has transpired a few months ago which lead to my current state of, well, doing nothing really important. All the while the people I love where always telling me to "keep on praying and everything would be ok". The problem is, everything did not turn out ok, in fact everything turned out much worse than expected. :( Thus began my frustration.

The disillusionment came from the local church's apparently endless meddling in affairs of the state especially concerning reproductive health, which is a very touchy topic in our country. With my responsibilities as a physician, I had very strong feelings on the matter and felt that something should be done. I will not state what views in particular are the ones I support or am against, but the way the church handled the entire thing was, in my opinion, pretty messed up. Being reminded of the fallibility of man who is trying to run an institution established by God, those higher ups seem to have bungled the job (IMO only).

The effects of media are a little more silly.. and as such I will not go and shame myself for al the world to see just to get a small point across. To make a long story short, I began to seriously question certain fundamental tenets of my faith.

Fortunately, despite my despicable thoughts, I still had the people I loved whom God had placed by my side. A combination of serious "faith talk" with sweet inspiration and my regular "wisdom talks" with dad may have just saved my soul from eternal damnation..

I was made to realize that the thing fundamentally wrong with me is that I was no longer grateful. No matter what your circumstance in life, there will always be something to be thankful for. Its inexplicable, but I guess in faith there are some things that just aren't meant to be explained. Once I began accepting and started seeing the things I had once taken for granted, it's as if a fog had lifted before my eyes and everything seemed just a teeny bit better than before.. Truly, God works in mysterious ways... 

Thank you..