Doomed again..

I'm really stressed out right now, and blogging seems to be my only respite..

I'm going to be having a big-ass case presentation and I'm still not ready.. It sucks that it has to be this way.. I even earned the ire of one of my favorite consultants as he is supposed to be my moderator for tomorrow and was pretty pissed when he learned that I wasn't ready.. :(

Not that I'm making excuses, as this topic has been given to me roughly a month ago.. right smack in the middle of a toxic rotation just before christmas break while people were making all theses christmas party preparations and stuff.. It was really rough getting anything academic done during that great time of the year. What fool would waste 6 days of hard-earned freedom to do more things that remind him of what he's broken free from? Coming back after vacaton was no different, since we had every-other day duty for 6 days, 7 for me since I had to make an additional slide to get into my regular schedule.. after the dust finally settled, I was only left with 4 complete days with which I could actually throw something together and make good of myself.. Or I might make a fool out of myself tomorrow... :(

Oh, another thing to amp up the degree of difficulty.. I'm among the three lucky fellows assigned on ward detail fr half the month, managing a ward that was meant for 5 fellows to operate in, since the seniors assigned to the wards are both involved in the goddamn interhospital presentation and cannot be disturbed from their work..

Sigh.. Its all just so frustrating, and you cant really do anything about it.. :( Add a few not-so-friendly coworkers and you have the perfect recipe for disaster. The fun won't end after the presentation. Aart from the expected fallout from putting on a poor showing, I will have to deal with the stresses of being the ABG reader for the next 10 days, as well as preparing my research protocol for a possuble presentation this coming February..

Fellowship is supposed to be a bit lighter, but so far, it has been a not-stop whirlwind of stuff to do (including wasteful tiring things like Christmas Party dance practices, putting together decorations, and other totally creative wastes of time.) I just wanna have some free time to rest and do my own shit and hang out with the people Itruly care about, and not have to force myself to sit in and stay together with a bunch of people who don't really give a damn about me or the stuff I like anyway..

I miss my MROD days.. True, things were much toxic physically then, but it didn't really take away too much from your psyche.. I guess that's the problem with these more "intellectual" institutions where the people tend to expect so much more from you.. You think I'd have learned my lesson already ever since that Neurology debacle a few years back..

Oh well, no use bellyaching abot it now.. Have to go and drag myself back to working on this stupid topic, Hopefully I can make it through relatively unscathed.. Hopefully, but I honestly won't be holding my breath..